Reflections

2013 is coming to a close and so I'd thought I'd take a minute to reflect on my past year. To sum it up: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Okay, maybe that is a little dramatic but it does get the general point across.

Overall, I think this year had me striving for balance. And in some areas, I think I managed it. Balancing the needs of two kids, my needs as a person versus my responsibilities as a wife and mother and my ideals versus the reality of the situation are some of the biggest struggles of this year but looking back I'd say that overall, I did pretty well. In fact, I think this year was the first that I felt really "in my skin" as a mom. I was able to stop doing things because I had researched all about it and made a deliberate decision and started just being me. Not that my previous approach was necessarily wrong or that I was not being genuine in it or that I don't have more learning to do, but more so that I've kinda hit my stride - at least in this stage of parenting. I don't think I'm explaining it well but I know what I mean.

I think a big part of that has to do with some of the goals I was able to meet - mostly being back in a regular routine of bible memory and study. It's (not really at all) crazy how much of a difference that makes in my mothering. Actually, it makes a big difference in all my relationships but parenting is probably the most demanding and the one that is most prone to exposing my sins so the difference shows itself the most there. Being able to control myself really helps when I'm trying to teach a certain three year old how to control herself.

I also feel like this year was a big one in terms of our really becoming a part of the community and our church. This is now the place I've lived the longest at one time (good ol' College Station being the second and still the winner if you count up the different segments). I did find myself feeling a bit weird this summer, antsy perhaps, but traveling and planning on future travels helped that which is good because I really do like it here and want to stick around for a while. I don't regret being a brat but I also want my kids to have some of the roots I didn't.

There have also been a few missteps and mountains to climb this year. I made a few bad decisions in terms of outside commitments and the rest of my family had to pay for that in my stressful responses. Here's hoping I learn from that mistake and don't repeat it in the future - again, striving for that balance of being a part of a community and giving to it without sacrificing more than I should. This year I had to pay for my mistakes by sacrificing time for other friendships and that hurt. Luckily my friends are pretty great so I don't think they took it personally but were praying for me to get through that season so I could hang out with them again!

 We've also had some big struggles with Jonah's weight gain, my having some health issues myself and now Lucy having some trouble. None of it is too terrible but added up, it is draining and feels like it keeps coming and as soon as I get one problem even temporarily held back, another crack in our health starts up. I'm Lucy shoving chocolates in my hat and shirt but someone just turned up the conveyor belt. And whereas six months ago I probably would have said that I was doing good balancing healthful eating/nutrition with not making food more important that relationships or allowing it to be a stress inducing idol, some of these health issues now have me rethinking that. As much as I agree with the 80/20 rule of eating well, our reality may be different. I think we're about to make some dietary changes that I don't think I necessarily have the energy to make - but I might not have that energy until I make them. It's a conundrum to say the least.

But looking back on the year as a whole, the bad points were superficial and the good ones were the ones that matter - I've got good friends, a wonderful family and a God that is good enough to led me where he wants to go and give me rest in Him when I need it. So life is good.

For more reflections or to link up your own, head over to Fisher Academy International.

And these are my children

I'm pretty sure nobody other than the kid's relatives care to see a bunch of pictures of them opening up presents so I've saved those facebook but these made me laugh so I thought I'd share. They are a series I took later on that morning and they could not be better representations of the differences between the two of them. Keep in mind that these were taken over an hour long period of time.

Jonah - Playing with a new Christmas toy

Lucy - Playing with a new Christmas toy

Jonah - Playing with a trash can he dragged out of the kitchen

Jonah - Playing with deodorant  (don't worry, it was a brand new "stocking stuffer")

Lucy - Still playing with her new Christmas toy

Jonah - Playing with another Christmas toy

Jonah - Playing with a twistie tie from the box of a new Christmas toy

Jonah - Taking daddy's notetaking pen and paper while he's trying to make a phone call.

Lucy - Still playing :-)

Jonah - Using Lucy's stick unicorn to drag a chair around the house

Lucy - Still playing - but now she's added her horse stables to make a bigger set.

Jonah eating kissing his horsie. 

Stick unicorn attacks the vet clinic. Play times over.

Merry Christmas K-Style

We made it home from Christmas #1 at my dad's with his fiancee, my brothers and my sister-in-law. We also managed to get together with my old college friend Amanda and meet her little cutie of a 2 year old. Good times were had but our camera broke two days before our trip so you get nothing. Sorry.

Our second "Christmas" is Friday which is the next morning Craig has off. Luckily, neither Jonah nor Lucy is very good at reading a calendar. Our new camera arrived today so I should even be able to document the cuteness that is Lucy helping everyone open their presents and Jonah playing with all the paper over the toys. Since it's almost Christmas is Korea already, here's a little music video to help you get ready for the big day tomorrow (or Friday, which ever works for you)

The Things She Says

Lucy: What is this? Have we ever eaten this? Do I like this?
Me: Spaghetti? Yes, you've had spaghetti before. Almost every week. And you like it.
Lucy: Oh, it is quite delicious.

Lucy: What is this? Pizza? I don't think I like Pizza.
Me: Kids love pizza. Some kids even ask for pizza for their birthday meal.
Lucy: I ask for cake.
Me: Cake is a birthday dessert but pizza is often a birthday dinner.
Lucy: Yum. Pizza!

Lucy: May I try that? (pointing to cranberry bars)
Me: You may, but I'm not sure you'll like it. It's kind of a grown-up dessert.
Lucy: Oh, surely, surely I will. (And she did).

Lucy: I'm not going to marry a prince when I grow up. Just a regular boy.
Craig: Oh, what is he going to look like?
Lucy: You!(Daddy's heart breaks from the sweetness) But we'd better get a bigger table. And when I have babies they will sleep with me in your bed with you and mommy but when they get bigger they can move to my room.

The questions continue but are getting harder to answer:
-Do the other bees sling the queen bees babies for her?
-How will I get to heaven if I don't have wings?
-Do cats go to heaven?
-Can Jonah lie?

Lucy: When kids disobey, they have consequences so I'm going to obey - except when you can't see me, they I can disobey and you won't know.
Me: Well, mommy's are really good about finding out about disobeying even if they aren't right there.
Lucy: Eyes widen - REALLY?! Okay, I'll obey then.

She's really going strong with reading and gets so excited about every word during our lessons. Her enthusiasm is wonderful but tiring:

T-h-e. The! The what? Let's find out!
The f-o-x. The fox? What about the fox? I'll keep going!
The fox s-a-t. The fox sat! Where did the fox sit? Let's see where!
The fox sat o-n. What did it sit on? I want to know!
The fox sat on the b-o-x. The fox sat on the box? Why would it do that! That's so silly!

Lucy: I'm so excited! My heart is so happy right now. I'm just going to keep all the happy in my heart so I can smile whenever I want! (FYI - She was happy about naptime. I don't know why. She normally doesn't really like naptime.)

And a couple seasonal ones:

Me reading: And he stuffed the whole thing up the chimbley.
Lucy: Why do you keep saying chimbley? It's chimNEY!
Me: insert Dr. Seuss likes silly words explanation here
Lucy: Well, please don't say that anymore. Just say chimney. I think Chimbley is a RUDE WORD!

Lucy's favorite Christmas song is "I want a hippopotamus for Christmas." I did not introduce it to her, she heard it on the radio and now she loves it and sings it all the time. Sometimes she says she really does want one, other times she says she doesn't want a hippopotamos because she wants an ox instead. So when we opened up our ornament tote and found two hippopotamus ornaments that my brother and sister-in-law had given us last year, she got really excited. Then she took a good look at them and told me "I was really expecting something bigger." Sorry kid, that's as big as you get.

We set up our Christmas tree last night. Right now Lucy is sitting on the couch looking at it and saying "This is our Christmas tree. It has a big brown star. And white lights. And Red bulbs. And pretty nutcrackers. I wasn't sure it was going to fit because it is so big but daddy got it in. People sometimes say "Oh, I love this Christmas tree" I think she likes it.

Cape Cod Cranberry Bars with a side of tears

It's kinda funny what things make you emotional when you're grieving. It's not the things you would expect. Handwriting is an odd one to me. It catches me off guard to find something with my mom's handwriting and have a reaction especially because it is not normally something sweet and sentimental. I have a lot of her hand me down books so I often find a random half quote on a 3x5 card, a to-do list or even a grocery list. The first card I found after her funeral was actually had a px list for pens and cat litter but it still made me cry.

But as much as I miss seeing her handwriting, I really didn't want to keep that for my scrapbook so it's very special to me to find something handwritten that has something more substantial behind it.  This recipe is one of those few things.

It's also special because I thought I lost this recipe. She made these every year. She served them to Craig the night he drove me home to Kansas (the night he first met my parents) and I remember sitting there eating them thinking that I was home, finals were over and this, these cranberry bars, being home again, with my family, this was the beginning of Christmas.

I wanted to make it last year and couldn't find it, even when I went to my dad's and searched through all my mom's recipe cards and cookbooks. And google didn't help either. So when I found this card a few months ago, I was so relieved. And then I laughed because she even wrote down the almond extract and then scratched it out because she doesn't like almond extract - and neither do I. But they are quite tasty without it or if you are a weirdo who likes almond extract you could probably add it. Either way, try them for yourselves.

1.5 cups sugar
2 eggs
3/4 cups unsalted butter, melted then cooled
1 teaspoon almond extract
1.5 cups flour (I'm sure the original recipe meant all purpose but I've used soft white wheat too)
2 cups fresh cranberries
1/2 cup chopped walnuts (optional - but Craig doesn't like nuts and he will still eat these with them)

I'd show you a picture but I've already made two batches of these in the past month and can't seem to get a picture before the pan is attacked. Sorry :-)