A Mother's Daybook - May 21

Thinking - Help me God! No seriously. I feel like this whole pregnancy, even back when we were just praying for another child, has been a serious mental/spiritual battle. And everytime I start to lose confidence in God or let go of his hand, I start to drown. Right now, that letting go looks this - once a week I throw a tantrum like a two year old, fussing about how I don't want to throw up anymore, I don't want to take Zofran, I don't want any more shots and I don't want my progesterone levels to go down anymore (I'm now on 2 shots a week because even with weekly shots, my levels went down, not up. I'll test again next week to see if that is enough), and I don't want any more side effects. Then God picks me up and dusts me off, I remember that I'm really blessed to be pregnant and we keep going. And each week I'm one week closer to the end. Depending on how bad the weeks been I may be thinking of the end as getting to meet and hold my baby or being done with pregnancy forever. Either way works.

Reading - Chaucer for Children with the ao forum. Despite the "for children" in the title, I'm pretty sure I would not be tackling this on my own. It's more...poetry. Poetry is really hard for me and chaucer has added challenge of being written in less than modern conventional English. But I am enjoying the challenge so far. I dropped the other big poem (Idylls of the King) I started this year so I'm determined to finish this one. And its more encouragement to continue making poetry a priority with the kids so that they have an easier time than I do. Both Idylls of the King and Chaucer for Children are scheduled for Y7 of the AO curriculumn. I can't say for sure that we'll still be using it then but I love the idea of them reading this at that age.

For lighter reading, I've started Eight Cousins (probably my Classic written by a woman choice for my challenge) and First Impressions: A Novel of Old Books, Unexpected Love, and Jane Austen. 

Eating - Back to cheerios and eggs after a few days of salads and nutritious goodness. But I haven't taken Zofran in 3 days and I'm feeling a bit yucky again. But I haven't thrown up since Friday (almost a week ago!) and the side effects of Zofran were beginning to outweigh the benefits. Each day has gone a little worse than the day before so I'll see where it levels out before declaring myself officially Zofran free - or not.

Finishing - My 2014 scrapbooks. They are one their way here! This is the first year I've given up on the idea of making individual pages in photoshop and just printing them with shutterfly and instead I used their program. It does make it a lot faster but I'm anxious to see the results. I have a feeling I'll end up preferring mine BUT I also know I prefer my scrapbooks to be completed within a year :-)

Now I need to start 2015 and get caught up before the baby comes. On the one hand I'm about 5 months behind, one the other, we haven't done a whole lot since the new year so I don't think it will take long. We do have one event coming up that will probably yield lots of pictures though.

Planning and Preparing - Our summer vacation! We're going camping for 4 days. It's the simplest vacation we've done recently but I'm still very excited about getting away. 4 days of family time sounds like bliss right now. We've only done one overnight trip with the kids so I'm not completely sure how 4 days will go but we won't be in a tent (we've book a yurt!) and we've just keep feeding them lots of fruit and hotdogs so what could go wrong?


Birthday Party Fun!

Lucy turns 5 next week. I know, I can't believe it either. We had her party yesterday. This is really the first fun friend party she had since the past two years were just with family and before that, the friends were mine and Craigs. She still wanted it to be small, just a few families. But even just us and four families made 14 kids so plenty of excitement and fun!

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We managed to get everyone in a picture together. Most of these kids I've known since they were born so its so much fun watching them get bigger together. That's something I didn't have growing up and I'm glad Lucy and Jonah get to experience it.

We didn't have much scheduled other than letting the kids play at the park. Funny story about this park. It wasn't the park I thought it was. I was thinking of another nearby park when I wrote the invitations and that morning we followed the gps and I was really confused, thinking, hmm, maybe it's just taking me a different way. We get there and I see a big sign with the park name that I sent out in the invitation but I still didn't recognize it. I had never even been to this park! But it was a lovely park and no one else was confused so alls well that ends well but it did have me thrown for a bit. I had gone list crazy with this party because I was sure I would forget something but all the planning in the world still can not totally make up for pregnancy brain!

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 Lucy changed her mind every single week about what type of party ever since February when I had my birthday and she knew hers would "be next." Finally, the week before, she picked Frozen. I obviously didn't go all out with the theme but we did have had frozen napkins, plates and a pinata.

My little adventurous Kristoff.

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She started with an Elsa Cape to go with the crown but it quickly got taken off in the heat.

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The one thing Lucy really wanted at her party was a pinata.

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And she was serious about getting it open

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Jonah was a little more relaxed and eventually just handed Craig the bat and asked him to take his turn.

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She changed her mind about the cake about as often as she did the theme but when she picked cheesecake with strawberries on the side the weekend before the party, I reminded her several times she couldn't change her mind then off I went to the store. The next day she asked how I was planning on making it look fancy! Uhm, I wasn't :-)

But some friends came through with inspiration and I was able to easily cut the strawberries to look like butterflies and put them on top. Not really very frozen-ish but she loved them and the crisis was averted.

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I need a few days to recover but everyone had a good time. Lucy said on the way home it was her "best day ever."


When does it get easier?

This has been a fun week. I've felt kicks before but pretty sporadically. We are now in the daily movement zone which is nice and reassuring. And Monday we had a little mini-baby shower for a friend at the end of our monthly preschool co-op time which gave me a chance to ooh and ah over teeny tiny baby clothes. I'm still not really at that panicky "oh my goodness, a baby is really coming and I'm not ready (even if I really am)" stage. I haven't bought anything yet but honestly, I don't really need anything other than a new pack or two of cloth wipes. But I'm starting to get there and I was thinking about the change from two to three. Maybe I'm just being naive but I'm not really worried. The one to two was an adjustment and we had our bad days but it wasn't nearly as hard as I was expecting. I guess I just know that we made it from the 0-1 kid adjustment and nothing can be harder than that, right? (Other than the multiples fun of going from 0-2 or 0-3 but its too late for that for us!)

And babies, well, I can do babies! Babies are my thing (unless we get colic, we've never had colic so please God don't give us colic!) And Jonah's two and hit that terrible two period for sure but I am finding it nice to know that we've made it through this before. He is all boy, very different from Lucy and comes with his own unique situations to deal with (why was I assuming I had until 3 yrs old before the potty and penis talk started - I was wrong!) but when I get to that heads gonna explode stage I can look back and remember feeling the same way before. Or when we are in a public place and Jonah starts screaming, Craig and I can just ignore him while laughing as we bring up all the of Lucy's tantrums that were worse (like this one on the DC metro, that's still one to remember!) and carry on knowing his lack of self control right now probably doesn't indicate a life of crime in his future.

But Lucy is turning 5 in a few weeks and every once in a while I'm reminded that the poor thing is still our guinea pig. This week has been deep questions week apparently. Monday I asked Jonah for a hug but he said no and when I got up to do something else, he ran away. So I called them both back and talked to them about how in our house, we respect people's choices about their bodies so I wasn't going to make him hug me, I just needed to get up to pee (when do I not these days :-) Respecting people's space and choices is a big issue for Jonah, sometimes its "No Jonah, Lucy doesn't want a hug" but more often its "No, Jonah, Lucy doesn't want you to hit her on the head with a block." But Lucy ended up asking all sorts of questions and eventually led to us talking about privacy and modesty and listening to ourselves if we feeling uncomfortable.

Then on the way to co-op we were listening to Bible songs when the song "This little light of mine came on " and Jonah got really excited at the "No!" part saying it was his favorite song because it was naughty. That led to a talk about while it is wrong to shout "No!" to your mother when she asks you to pick up the banana you threw on the ground (have I mentioned the terrible twos :-) that doesn't mean it is always wrong to say no. We brainstormed situations when that would be the case.

Then on the way to the doctor the next day, we revisited the body issue to clarify that we WERE going to let the doctor look at our problem spot on our head so she could help while I held my breath I wasn't going to regret the previous days discussion (I didn't. Lucy wasn't happy about being examined but she complied. Diagnosis - Staph! Ick. But she's on the mend and no longer contagious crisis averted).

And thinking to give myself a break, we turned on a children's biography about Beethoven only to have a discussion about alcohol and how it can make people mean and why that won't happen when our daddy has a beer when we go camping.

Now these are all good conversations to have and I'm happy with the way I handled them all but I won't lie, today when she came in from playing saying she wanted to talk about "birds and bees" I was really glad when she added "and caterpillars" to that statement. Turns out she just wanted to talk about the difference between nests and hives.

So you know what's sounding easy about now - a newborn.


Not so bad

Last week Craig and I had to make some decisions about our future. Nothing to go into here because it's all up in the air but it got me thinking. And I decided I really like my life. I guess I knew that before but these were all the little things I like and would miss if they had to change for some reason. Plus the big things that won't change :-)

I love being a SAHM. I love reading a good book in the sun while the kids ride their bikes and the chickens peck around us. I love baking with my kids even though it makes a huge mess. I love them watching me taste the cookies to see if they are good. I love a cup of fresh milk with my cookies. I love sitting down to tea time with some tea which sometimes is more milk than tea, reading poems and looking at art and hearing little opinions on which is their favorite. I like having my life back. This has been such a long, hard, emotional few months but not being able to fully be a part of it really did make me appreciate it.

A decent mother's day picture! 


Could be worse

Growing up, one of our family's favorite books was "Could be Worse." I haven't read it as an adult. I'm a little afraid that it won't hold up to my expectations. That's always the risk. Ferdinand the bull was as wonderful as I remember it being, The Berenstein Bear - not so much. But I probably should try it because we liked it enough that "could be worse" quote was one my mom used to use a lot around us kids.

I was thinking about that expression a few nights ago. Because you know what's worse than having insomnia?

Having insomnia when you are pregnant and sick and exhausted.

What's worse than having insomnia when you are pregnant and sick and exhausted?

Lying in bed watching your husband sleep peacefully and getting all the rest while you have insomnia when you are pregnant and sick and exhausted. (I won't say I thought bad thoughts about him that night, but I won't say I didn't either)

What's worse than lying in bed watching your husband sleep peacefully while you have insomnia when you are pregnant and sick and exhausted?

Lying in bed watching your husband sleep peacefully getting all the rest while you have insomnia when you are pregnant and sick and exhausted - and trying to distract yourself by thinking of a song or hymn but being unable to get "Give Me Oil in my lamp" out of your head. You know...

Give me oil in my lamp, keep me burning, burning, burning
Give me oil in my lamp, I pray
Give me oil in my lamp, keep me burning, burning, burning
Keep me burning 'til the break of day

Now, I like singing Hosanna as much as the next gal, I just prefer to do it after a nice nights sleep and this felt a lot like my subconscious was mocking me.

Oh well, could be worse.