Dewey and I are still here

We had our first midwife appointment on Friday and everything was just as it should be. My iron, which was a problem last pregnancy, was actually really good considering my diet has consisted of 50% bagels and cream cheese lately. Emotionally I'm doing a little better now that I've heard the heartbeat and know that Dewey is still with us, a fact that I do not take for granted.

 I've also realized that many of my negative emotions really don't have anything to do with the baby but are more grief related issues that are just being brought to the surface because of the pregnancy, both situationally and hormonally. Acknowledging that has allowed me to feel those negative emotions without the guilt. I hate being sad about occasions that are supposed to be joyful but I can hardly even think about the actual birth because I know my mom won't be there and I always assumed she would be. Or calling everyone but her to tell them he/she is born when I remember how she was waiting and waiting and as soon as she heard Lucy was Lucy, she rushed out to buy as many pink things as she could find. But I have time, to get used to the idea and to go through more of the grief process that I know has to happen.

It is odd to think that is has only been a little more than 3 months since my mom passed away. It seems so much longer. Not in a "time heals all wounds" sort of way. It's more like I miss her so much and so many things have happened that I want to talk to her about but can't that it is hard to think about how I'm supposed to make it through the next 3, 13 or even 30 years without her. And my hormones are already such that a diaper commercial can make me cry (and I don't even like disposables!) so what chance do I have when I think about real hard stuff. At least if I start crying at the grocery store, I can just tell the cashier I'm pregnant and hopefully she won't think I'm that weird.

*Yes, we went with the poll results. That was my favorite too!

St. Louis Civil War

This post about a Congressional race here in Missourah may not have any relevance to most of you, but I want to write about it because it is so delicious. We will be able to watch two liberal legacy Democratic politicians go after each other with everything they've got in a primary showdown.

My Congressmen, Russ Carnahan, member of a prominent Missouri political family (read: he got elected based on his name), lost his district through the post-Census redistricting process,* so he had to find another district to run in. He chose the district that encompasses the city of St. Louis, long represented by William Lacy Clay, whose father also held the seat (read: he got elected based on his name).

It is widely believed that this race will be bitter and racially-tinged (Clay is black). Some of the bitterness is because Carnahan thinks Clay didn't fight hard enough to save Carnahan's seat when redistricting occurred, which is a typically petty reason for a political snit.

Here are some bullet points from early coverage of this race that illustrate its entertainment value:

• Clay speaking of Carnahan: "He doesn't have a chance." That's rather cocky.
• "Clay noted that a recent National Journal ranking put him as tied for the most liberal member of Congress, compared to 139th for Carnahan." It is not often that someone would brag about something like this. Only in our run-down urban centers.
• Some filing-for-the-ballot day bitterness from Clay to Carnahan, delivered face to face:  “Couldn’t wait for the Supreme Court to rule?”
• Carnahan has so far avoided any attacks on Clay, but "Clay predicted that the August primary “will be ugly.”" That sounds like a threat to me. Clay also said Carnahan's decision to run “was a selfish act." That is true, no doubt.
• Carnahan is "making good on his promise to seek another term in Congress." What a bold promise - quite possibly the only one he has kept recently.
  

With this much cattiness on the first day of the race, this contest should provide a wealth of train-wreck goodness all summer long. Stay tuned.

*This all assumes that the Missouri Supreme Court doesn't throw out the redistricting plan, which I don't think it will.

Winner Is...

It looks like Dewey is the winner of our little fetus name poll, with about 2/3 of the vote. Thanks for your input. Stay tuned to see if we do anything with this result.

Randomness

I was going to try for a 7 Quick Takes Friday but I felt really awful last Friday. And now I'm too tired to put a post on one subject together so you just get randomness.

• In case you were wondering, the kitchen is pretty much on hold. Craig has been spending his evenings doing dishes, cooking, laundry, etc while I'm in bed as soon as we get Lucy down. But at 4pm the last weekday we were in town before leaving for my dad's, we got the final inspector to come in and pass us. So we are legal and its actually in pretty decent working condition. Craig was able to work on venting the hood during nap times last weekend and the backplash materials I ordered just arrived but since that is one of my pet projects, I really want to be involved with it and since it isn't necessary to function, it can wait for a month or two. The only other things left are the trip to Ikea (also waiting for me to improve) so we can put the missing drawer fronts on and switch out the random piece of melamine we are using as a temporary island counter for actual butcher block plus final touches like curtain, blinds, stools, etc. 

• You may have noticed that I said "we" are putting Lucy to bed. Lucy has always been a mama's girl. Craig always been a very involved dad but these days we are pushing that farther, both from necessity and because I figure we have about 7 months to make her a daddy's girl. It seems to be working. She wants him to sing to her at night and not me and they have been going on lots of fun trips to exotic places like the library and the grocery store. She still has her fair share of banging on the bedroom door shouting mama (which she says with the accent on the second syllable, it sounds french and is completely adorable) but instead of getting really upset, she normally gives up after a few minutes and leaves in search of dad. 

• Daddy time is really helping me out because Lucy is wearing me out. Partly because I'm tired and sick. Partly because we are having some discipline issues lately which would exhaust even the regular put together mom I used to be. And partly because I've been in entertaining mode. Entertaining a toddler is a lot of work and I'm not used to it. Normally, I just do my day and she tags along: I do the dishes, she helps put things away or wipes the table or spins in a circle next to the table. I go downstairs to do the laundry, she helps me shove wet clothes into the dryer and gets to push the button or she might go off searching for dead bugs. Then I do my bible study while she sits next to me with her bible and "makes notes" in her notebook. We do play and read together but its only a portion of our day. Not anymore,  if I want her to stay in bed with me, I've got to work at it.  And it is hard work. Every once in a while I can get her going with a toy (normally her Duplos) next to me but one her own so I can sleep but she seems to sense when I stop paying attention and suddenly she "needs" me to make her a house for her giraffe or to separate two blocks that are stuck. I've heard some moms say that they don' t know how to do dishes, laundry, etc with their young kid around. But now I want to ask them how they manage to get through the day without having chores to break it up. 

•  I've been having some good days lately so even though my evenings are still rough, I do have hope that it shouldn't be that much longer. The physical isn't that bad but the mental parts are really getting to me. Like I really want to go to church. I haven't managed to make it in over a month, although Craig and Lucy have, and I miss it. I miss the fellowship, I miss the chance to get out of the house, I miss the worship. And honestly, I feel like a lazy bum for not going to church. 

• But we are going to our first midwife appointment on Friday and should get to hear the heartbeat so that will probably really improve my attitude. I know its a real baby that we have prayed and hoped for and already love but it is still hard to imagine. But that heartbeat makes it so much more real.  

• On another happy note, I bought Lucy's swim suit last night. Hanna Andersson had a BOGO 50% off sale and I had been eyeing this adorable baby swim romper for a while. I love Hanna Andersson clothes. I normally search for it on ebay but I thought the swim suit was a pretty fair price and hopefully she can get two summers out of it (She is really in a 80 but has 90 pajamas that work so I went with a 90). I have to say that I am pleasantly surprised with the number of modest little girl swim suits I've been seeing this spring. I really thought I would struggle to find things with sleeves but their little and big girl separates are cute too and you could easily put a modest set together. And I've seen similar things at several stores, including Target. Of course, there are plenty  on the opposite side of the spectrum (like this and this) but I'd rather just pretend those don't exist. 

Help Us Choose a Name

As you may recall, when MacKenzie was gestating Lucy, we gave the fetus a nom de guerre, Nigel. Well, when we announced the impending arrival of baby #2, Amanda reminded us that we should name this one, too. And we want your input, so please vote in the poll below. The first choice is Craig's nomination, the second came from Rachel, and the third from MacKenzie. The final choice is a takeoff on how Lucy says "two," which comes out like "dew," which is appropriate for our second offspring.

We will declare the winner in a week or so.

Note: this poll is non-binding.