I've been struggling with body image lately. And really, this is one of the first times in my life I can say that and it's been hard. Not that I think my body has always been perfect or that I've always had a put together exterior - haha - it's just even in middle school, I knew it wasn't about my body physically, but about my ability, or inability, to make the best of it. I'm not a super fashionable girl, I can't do hair and my makeup skills are pretty minimal. But I never blamed my body for any of that and I always knew that if I could just get put on "What Not to Wear," I would end up looking pretty awesome.
This time it's different. I feel frumpy and fat and just kinda bleh. And then I feel like a lame hormonal pregnant women because I feel that way. Of course, there is part of me that still knows that it isn't really me. (And if any of you want to nominate me for WNTW, I won't get offended :-) I feel "fat" for a reason but its a pretty good reason if I do say so myself. But whatever I tell myself about gaining weight and pregnancy, outgrowing maternity clothes is hard on the ego.
Part of it has to do with my mom. 90% of my make-up was given to me by mom which of course means that 90% of my make-up is over 2 years old. She used to send me packages every other month or so with cute shirts she found on sale that she "knew would look great on me" or mini-set of make-up she saw on QVC that was "too young for her". It made me feel special and well, pretty. I miss that.
The other part of it is that I just haven't been trying and I can tell. So I'm going to do something about it. For the next two weeks, I'm going to wear make-up and my hair down. Not that wearing your hair up is bad but it had become my default and I want to stay away from that.
I'll also be going through my make-up and getting rid of a lot of it because it is liable to give me some weird infection (at least according to good housekeeping). I'll probably replace a few things too but weirdly, I think having less choices will make me more likely to actually use it. I need it to be easy and having to decide between blushes when the all look the same to me anyway (I told you I'm not a make-up girl) just slows me down.
Finally, but certainly not the least important is I'll be working on my prayer life. Not just praying about this issue, although I will be. But I've recently started a bible study that has convicted me on my lack of dedicated time spent talking with my savior. That makes no sense because He is the most important relationship in my life, so why do I find it hard to make that a priority?! And I think that as my prayer life grows, so will me confidence in that relationship and I think I will see the effects spill over into this part of my life as well. I'm not sure if I'm explaining that well but it makes sense in my head.
To kick it off tomorrow, Lucy and I will be painting our toes. I just bought her some piggie paint and we need to give it a test run. Wish me luck!
That makes a lot of sense and sounds like a good plan. I feel like the values instilled in us by books aimed at girls are to say "It doesn't matter what you look like! Just stop feeling bad about yourself!" But in reality it's way, way easier to put on a little mascara than to try to turn off your feelings like a light switch.
ReplyDeleteFor the record, you look really cute in all your DC pictures. And if you're bigger than last time, maybe you're just growing a hearty, robust Limesand boy in there.
I'm not sure if this will make you feel better or not, but I can totally relate to this post.
ReplyDeleteI started following some "Fashion" blogs (and modest, real life women, clothes blogs in particular) to give myself a boost - I was never a "take a long time to get dressed, do hair, & make-up" kind of girl but at some point a few years back I realized that had become "don't make any effort at all" and that was NOT who I wanted to be either.
I have to say that for me, my body image is usually better when pregnant than right after. So depressing to NOT be pregnant and still LOOK like I'm due in a week or two. ;)