In which a lighthearted podcast makes me think deep thoughts.

I just love Close Reads Podcast. I know I've said more than once that I really struggle to stay current with most podcasts because of my inability to focus on someone talking when the kids are makin' all the noise. But the Close Reads Podcast is worth finding that time. When they wrapped up their Pride and Prejudice Series I was so sad because I didn't think it could get better than that - but then they started a Lord Peter Wimsey novel and you guys, it got better! Of course, I've got a huge list of book in my to-be-read pile but I want to abandon them now to re-read this Lord Peter Series and I'm not sure how that will happen but I'll figure out a way something.

  was literally laughing out loud in the car this week listening to it. Which is saying a lot because I was driving home from a rather annoying appointment at the gynecologist. Form that mental picture then quickly let it go and only keep the part where you realize I obviously didn't get in the car in a super chipper mood. But I was able to quickly put that all behind me and just enjoy these three and their book banter.

Two parts in particular stood out to me. First, the part at the beginning about how old mysteries and detective novels were still quality literature. I love old school mysteries. So that was a nice reminder that while I'm glad I am stretching myself in trying new types of books, I don't need to feel guilty if I revert back to some good old fashioned Whodunits.

I also really enjoyed the little rabbit trail about side jobs and how lots of classical teachers and writers would love to just sit and read and ponder things all day but they gotta pay the bills. Even the amazingly talented Dorothy Sayers. The writing/thinking/academics of her life was in many ways was her "side job."  It wasn't the podcast's main theme by a long shot but it really got me thinking about my life. I'm not sure if "Homeschool Mother" is my side job and "Book Reader and Deep Thinker" is my dream or if it's the other way around. I can't imaging my life without either part. I'm not sure if it's actually something Charlotte Mason said or not but there is a saying in the CM circles that children need: Something to love, Something to do, and Something to think about. That's not just true of children but all people. And moms are people too ;-) But being a "Homeschool Mom" means I've got all those things covered.

It's so different from what the world seems to think a SAHM's life is like. They imagine drudgery and being "stuck" at home, they focus on the giving up of opportunities. That's just not how I see it at all. Yes, I work hard. And yes, choosing one thing means I can't choose another. But I can have my cake and eat it to, I just have to eat the chocolate cake I choose, not the carrot cake I didn't.

I didn't get all mushy in my anniversary post so I feel like I can safely do so just a tad here. But I'm really so blessed to have a husband who wants that same lifestyle. I can't just say "works hard to pay the bills so I can stay home" - although that is true, he does and I appreciate it. But its more that that, it's that the vision we had for what our lives would look like 10 years ago has materialized.

Not perfectly, but pretty darn close. I may have imagined fun family nights like the one we had Tuesday with us all roller skating together. And I may have imagined tucking my little ones into bed and getting a big hug around neck with an accompanying "Good night, mama!"

Oh, the fun that was had - before it wasn't!

I'm pretty sure I didn't dream of the huge meltdown that had both Jonah and I losing our cool in front of Lucy's American Heritage Girl Troop (you know, not just random strangers at the grocery store but people I have to see AGAIN!) before I had to carry him thrashing out of the roller skating rink and strap him into his car seat. But once he was in and knew he couldn't go anywhere, he calmed down and so did I and by the time we were home we were both ready to apologize so the hugs still happened.

So did the night of my tossing and turning and pondering my current book study group book Norms and Nobility and whether virtue can be taught and how can I teach virtue when I fail daily and then prayer and the reassurances God brought of HIS faithfulness and forgiveness. And the reminder via one of my favorite literary quotes that "Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it." No, that all wasn't in my mind ten years ago. But in a way, that WAS part of the dream, I just didn't know it.

And that tomorrow did come. Along with morning cuddles, complete with an extra "I love you so much mama, do you want to snuggle with me? I'll share my lovey with you." And that is why I can say, I'm living the dream.

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