Things that make me smile

Lucy has a little onesie that says "I make my mommy smile" and it got me thinking about other things that make me smile. This may seem like an odd post because some of these things won't sound super positive to you even and last week I would not have been happy with where we are today but after this week, everything on this list seems like a miracle.

Now I'm not going to lie. It's been a very rough week. I won't rehash it all because I don't particularly want to think about many parts of it but it started Sunday with my mom in an ambulance and my being told to come to the hospital to say my goodbyes and while it only got better from there, I do feel like physically and emotionally I've been put through a blender. There were many many moments that I just wanted to run away from life or push a pause button or close me eyes real tight and hope everything was different when I opened them again but I couldn't and it wasn't.

So instead, I think about the good things in life. Some people might say that I (and the rest of my family) am "handling it well" and "being so positive" and it's true. We all are trying really hard to hope and pray for the best but if they are anything like me, it is because we have to think good things. I feel like I'm barely hanging on and if I didn't spend time remembering who is in control and how great and powerful He is and how great the blessings He has given me are, I think I would just completely fall apart. So I keep counting my blessings. Here are some from this week:

Late Sunday night when the doctor said "Well, we'll give her another 10mg dose in a hour or so then try 8mg tomorrow." That was the first time a doctor acknowledge her change for the better or implied that there might even be a tomorrow. That little word "tomorrow" did not escape my attention and I think it might have been the first time I allowed myself to take a deep breathe all day.

Watching Lucy blow bubbles and smile and giggle and play and watching my mom's face light up in response. Lucy doesn't know she is "supposed" to be sad and somber so she isn't! There is a bible verse that says "A cheerful heart is good medicine..." and I agree. If only you could bottle Lucy.

Seeing my mom reach over and grab Lucy's little foot and give it a little rub.

Hearing my mom say Lucy's name and age.

Seeing my mom able to sit up in a chair.

Hearing my mom say "I love you." She needed a bit of help from the speech pathologist the first time but I think we would both agree it was well worth the effort.

Talking to my mom about our new house and getting her advice on paint colors and kitchen cabinets - even though one of her sentences was "Craig was right." (But I was right about some things too!)

Hearing that my mom was moved from the hospital to the rehab facility we were hoping for. It seemed like a much better place that the other option but I was worried it wouldn't work out. We still want her stay there to be short (we want her home where she belongs) but we know this is the best place for her for right now.

Climbing into bed at night and snuggling up with Lucy. After long days spent running errands or visiting my mom in the hospital while managing Lucy, I am drained and feel like I can barely keep my eyes open but when I lie down my mind starts thinking too much. But I just have to look over at her sleeping and drink in her sweet smell and I feel God's peace filling me up again. She knows she is safe because I am there next to her, loving her and keeping her warm and safe in my arms. I just have to remember that God is right there for me too.

Watching Lucy give her daddy a great big smile when we got off the train and saw him again. I'm home for a few days to spend time with Craig and his mom who flew it to visit.

I'll be going back to visit my mom again soon and since every day I was her this week she seemed so much better, I can't wait to see how she is doing then.