Brain dump

I'm still here at my parent's until this weekend. Craig is at home working at work during the day and working on our house in the evenings (but don't worry, I let him take a break to watch the election :-) I think he's making good progress and I'm excited to see it this weekend although he gave me some awful news last night - the previous owners were technically correct when they said that under the carpet was hardwood, they just neglected to say that in between the two was a layer of tile. It's only in the two bedrooms so it isn't the end of the world, just a more work. Craig kept telling me to calm down when I was ranting about it last night. It's a "safe" subject to get mad about though. If I get upset about other things I can't always turn it off so sometimes I just need to vent emotions other ways. I kinda thought that when really bad things happen, the smaller bad things in life wouldn't seem like such a big deal in comparison. Intellectually that is true but my nerves are a bit raw and I get upset over silly stupid stuff more easily because of that, even when I don't want to.

That said, things here are going pretty well. I have a bad track record when it comes to visiting my mom. The last two big visits I had planned both started out with a 911 call and my mom ending up in the hospital. It's a good thing I don't believe in "luck" since I'd hate to be considered my mom's bad luck charm. I think that God just knew I needed to be here those times and lined things up that way, but it does make me nervous so it took a day or two before I was able to relax and enjoy our time.

But we have been enjoying out time. We've just been hanging out in the living room with her, Lucy playing on the floor while we talk, watch tv or listen to praise and worship music. It's really great having her here at home and I know she feels the same way. The weather is great so we even went out of the porch for a while. They finished installing her ramp yesterday so that should be happening more frequently until it gets too cold.

Yesterday, she started getting really tired because her platelet levels were low. We got her scheduled to go in and get a transfusion this morning and I knew it was going to be okay but I still hate seeing her like that. I got upset and normally I try to hide it because too much is going on but this time I was able to talk to her and tell her how I felt. Her communication is improving, especially when it comes to telling us her needs, but she still can't just sit down with me and have a chat especially when she is tired so most of her comforting was a hug and a hand squeeze but she did say a few words and I know her well enough that I knew what she was trying to tell me. I feel guilty when she is the one comforting me but I also know she is still my mom, and that is what she wants to do.

We all stay pretty positive most of the time but sometimes you need to address the scary elephant in the room, get emotional, then move on so in an odd way, it was nice to have those moments with her. And they really can't last too long because Lucy is always there just playing away on her tummy. No matter how deep the conversation is, when it's interrupted by a baby "raspberry" everyone always has to laugh.

I didn't have much of a plan when I sat down to write but I think this post summarizes the week

well, life is all about ups and downs. I'm trying to focus on the ups.