But it got me thinking more about gender issues. Kelly over at 5 Minutes for Parenting has people talking about the big issue of finding out or waiting. She lists some of the reasons she always wants to know. And I can understand them and see why others would have that desire but I just don't feel the same way. We are pretty much at the point where we could find out if we want but we're both content with the secret staying - a secret.
Planning? I'm normally a planner. I love to do lists and use my label maker (the fact that it belongs to the lab makes me very sad) and I'm pretty sure one of my spiritual gifts is administration. But in this case, I love not having to plan. I don't know, so I can't. It's very refreshing. Plus, we want to keep our baby stuff as gender neutral as possible and that would by ridiculously hard for us to do if we knew ahead of time and impossible for baby showers. Yes, I will run to Goodwill to buy a couple cute girly or boyish outfits later on and I'm planning on crocheting two newborn hats, one in pink and one in blue but I don't want to have to buy a new car seat for the next baby because "the pink one was just too cute to pass up." (And yes, the pink stuff is always cuter!)
Bonding? I've heard that some people find it easier to bond when they know. I've only ever been on the "not knowing" side so I guess I can't say that it isn't easier, but I'm not having a hard time feeling bonded. I like having the fetus name, it makes talking about the baby much easier but I'm not even sure if that would be necessary for me to feel close to our baby. And I don't ever really call the baby it, I just go back and forth between boy and girl. I don't feel like I have a "gender neutral alien" inside me, I feel like I have my baby in there. Except sometimes I just feel fat and tired...and then I remind myself I'm pregnant and get over it.
Looking forward to the delivery date? I know all babies are in some ways a surprise so it isn't really about giving me and Craig something more to look forward to on the big b-day. It's more about giving others something to look forward to. I want all our friends and family to be surprised by the gender and the names. I've let a few of our name options slip out but nothing is set in stone so nobody will really know until the big day. And I like that. It will give people something nice to say. Plus, nobody can critique the name once it is already attached the baby.
Letdown? I know that some people say that they need time to adjust if the baby isn't what they wanted or expected. And others say "Oh, I don't really care" but you can tell they secretly do. Well, I really don't care. And Craig is pretty good at keeping stuff locked away if he wants to, but I don't think he really has a preference either. And some moms say they have "a feeling" but I don't know how. At first I thought it was a boy but then I figured out that I was just assuming the firstborn was supposed to be a boy. The oldest in my family is a boy and Craig is the oldest on his side too. But once I realized that it could be a girl, I didn't really have any thoughts one way or the other. And that is one of my favorite things about not knowing...I get to imagine both.
Craig and I were listening to the last Peasant Princess talk which was about parenting and focused a lot of the importance of a daddy in a girl's life, and I almost starting crying thinking about Craig and I having a little girl because I know she and I could trust him to teach her what she is really worth. And how much fun would it be to read Anne of Green Gables to my daughter? But when Craig comes in all dirty and sweaty from playing rugby with the guys, I get all weepy thinking about him running around outside with a son. And then he gives me a funny look because since when does sweat make me so emotional? Plus having grown up with two brothers, I think I would love the rough and tumbleness that a baby boy would bring.
So while my initial biggest reason for me for not wanting to know is that I wanted to avoid the big mid-pregnancy ultrasound, now I'm really glad we are doing it that way for a lot of reasons. But overall, I think this is one baby decision that you just can't go wrong on.
I always think this is an interesting topic because people have such different opinions on it. I don't think it would ever independently occur to me not to find out what the baby's gender is, especially if I had to tell the doctor to actively hide it from me. (I couldn't stand not knowing something about my own baby that somebody else knows, even if that person is a medical professional.) But there you go; people are different.
ReplyDeleteI told you about my friend whose sister not only found out, but named the baby beforehand. My friend loved it because they got to talk about Dora this, Dora that, and felt like they knew her even before she was born. I feel like that's kind of charming, but I doubt I'd go that far. I'm with you that it might be nice to keep stuff a mystery from other people, even if it wasn't a mystery to me (and Neal, of course.) Plus, I'd want to meet the baby before committing to a name, just to make sure the name was right.
And, as a final stray thought, it's probably a lot easier not to care what gender the first baby is and a lot harder if you know you're expecting the last baby you intend to have and already have a pack of kids of one gender. I won't mind if I have a boy someday, but if I have two or three boys and no girl, I'll probably be kind of bummed, at least on some level.
I agree about the first kid thing, I have no idea what I would want to do next time if we end up having an ultrasound.
ReplyDeleteI think it would be cool to know but not tell anyone, I just don't have that ability. A friend at church wanted to know but her husband didn't so she found out (with his permission) and kept it a secret the whole time. We didn't even know she knew. I could never handle that, I would crack in less than 24 hours.
Haha, Brandon and his brother always had to watch Anne of Green Gables on their car trips, so even if you have a boy, you can share that. They may resent you later, but that's just part of life :) I realize I'm obsessed with Gilmore Girls, but I want to find the button that Jackson wore when Sukie was pregnant for you and Craig.
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