I wrote this post about a month before Jonah was born but held off on posting it because I was afraid it would seem too negative and that wasn't really my intent. But at the point in time, I knew I had to trust what I knew over what I felt.  Jonah is 8 weeks old today and I can say that I was right, God did provide. This has definitely not been the easiest 8 weeks of my life, but it has been a very peaceful 8 weeks and I wouldn't change it for a million cups of tea.

I'm very much a homebody. Going out, especially to very busy people filled places, just wears me out. This is true all the time, but even more so when I'm pregnant.  Yet, I'm definitely classify myself as more of a martha than a mary. I like to be busy, to do, to create. Then I repent and try to become a Mary and get frustrated with myself because I just can't seem to get the hang of sitting down in the afternoon with a cup of tea and my bible...of course, that isn't exactly what Mary did either, but its the Mary of my head, you see.

I forget that Martha wasn't sinning because she was filling up someone's water or because she wanted to make sure the toilet wasn't gross before someone came over any more than Mary's "better" was sitting in a calm peaceful front porch in front of a field of flowers while enjoying tea from her beautiful vintage cup - found for a very reasonable price at a thrift store of course. Mary's "better" was "better" because she was striving for the best, she placed her relationship with Jesus at the top of her to-do.

Right now, life is good. Most days, I feel like I can handle what I've got and that we are almost at the point where I could at least hypotheticaly get to that tea on the front porch vision I have of what it means to live a "peaceful life." And I sigh a sigh of relief. And then reality hits me and I realize shortly I will have a newborn and our whole family will change and - gasp - what have I done!

Because unlike last time, I know what I'm getting into. Newborns are hard. They are cute and cuddly and loveable and overall wonderful blessings from God. But they are hard. And they come with messes and noise and they take away free time and the ability to shower consistently. And honestly, if my goal of peace is that front porch, I'm only getting farther away from it with every child we add to our family.

But that isn't my goal. My goal has to be Jesus. I want to do His will, I want to receive His blessings, but mostly I want Him. And having a baby will bring me closer to Him because 1) it's accepting another blessing from him and 2) it's another reminder that I can't do it all, I can't be everywhere, I have to trust. I have to lean on Him. And he'll bring the peace, I know he will.

 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

John 14:27



  1. I remember feeling so disjointed after Zuzu was born, but overwhelmed with peace and joy with Eliza. I don't know what to expect with Shuttlet #3, but I really appreciate the perspective that having a baby will bring me closer to Jesus for the two reasons that you mentioned. Daily trust while doing laundry is not the way I measured spirituality before I had kids, but I know that it is just as valid.

  2. Disjoined - that is the perfect way to describe how I feel with Lucy right now.

    It's been rough for the two us and our relationship but when I reread this post, I realized that what was missing with the fleshy peace and that spiritually, I was at peace. You'd wouldn't think I would need to relearn lessons I wrote down just a couple months ago but apparently I'm a slow study.

  3. MacKenzie,
    I always enjoy reading your blog. I especially enjoyed reading this one because my heart can totally relate to this. I've got your prayer request on my fridge and I've been praying for you a lot this past week. I think you are a wonderful mommy MacKenzie.