Let the Lent begin

I've got a whole lot of thoughts about Lent but I'm letting them settle in my mind instead of just blurting them out here so all I've got for you is my Lenten resolutions.

I'm giving up:

Computer time. Now, I do quite a bit of real "business" not just fun stuff so I can't give it up completely but I am taking myself off of facebook except for Sundays and will also be trying to limit my internet usage to only when the kids are asleep. It would actually be easier to say no computer at all except when kids are asleep, but we use the computer for most of our music and music is one of my best "turn the attitudes around" trick and I'm not sure my children would survive if I cut us off completely.

I'm giving:

That time to my family, my God and my intentional commitments.  I especially want my kids to see me value them and enjoy time with them without distractions  I think this is going to be really really hard because the internet is one of my biggest sources of interaction with other adults and I'm worried I'll be feeling like a recluse by Easter time BUT I will be turning to God for that and eagerly awaiting Easter which is a good thing.

Wish me luck! Are you doing any Lenten resolutions this year?

Challenges

I've decided to take up a couple challenges this year. One is a reading challenge. I kinda sorta tried to do one last year but unlike that attempt, this one is official and public. Hopefully that will inspire me to complete it!

I actually considered a few different reading challenge options like this Sense and Sensibility challenge before finally settling on Historical Tapestry's Historical Fiction Challenge. Basically, you commit to reading so many HF books and linking up your review posts on their blog. I was going to only commit to 10 books (Struggling the addition level) but have since decided to really challenge myself and go for 15 (Undoubtedly Obsessed). This will probably mean my other types of reading will suffer but such is life! So be on the lookout for upcoming reviews, and if you have any historical fiction recommendations, please share away!

The second challenge is one I've done before - Siesta Sister Memory Team. I did it in 2009 and it was wonderful. This year I'm working alongside a couple friends and I have great expectations for how God will be using the verses He shows me to guide my walk with Him. I'll be posting my bible verse to memorize on the 1st and 15th of every month. Except this time when I'm posting it waaay late :-) Sometimes I'll talk about the verse I choose and why I choose it, sometimes I'll just put it up over on the sideblog. I can't wait to get started!

What about you, how are you challenging yourself this year?

Getting Along

A recent column in The Economist discusses some new research by social scientists Robert Putnam and David Campbell. Putnam researches social capital, which describes the effects of connections (or lack thereof) between and within social networks, via surveys. This column discusses the authors' examination of religion and their conclusion that it is a unifying force in America.

This may sound surprising, given the religious discord we often see in the news. But the authors state that people who know members of other religions are more tolerant of them. They call this the "Aunt Susan" principle, stating that, often due to inter-religious marriages, many people have a relative of another faith.

I would like to look at one specific point that the Economist column brings up. It says that 9 of 10 of those surveyed think that people from other faiths can go to heaven. This is seen as a mark of tolerance, and the 1 in 10 who don't see it this way are called "inflexible."

Speaking solely for Christianity (although I gather Islam is the same), our doctrine says there's one path to heaven. Don't follow it, you don't get there. But this sounds harsh and unfair to a lot of people. I suspect that most of the 90% of people cited in the study are not deeply involved in their faith, and thus assume that any "good" person can go to heaven. Or else they believe that, no matter what the Bible says, people from other religions still believe in a God of some sort, so they're OK. Maybe they go to a non-denominational megachurch that focuses solely on the feel-good parts of Christianity.

What this story suggests, then, is that our society is better off if everyone is only casually religious. The Economist author states that, for the "inflexible" 10%, Aunt Susan "is not welcome in their company." He seems to assume that, if you don't think someone is headed for heaven, you dislike them. Ergo, devout people create divisions in, and are bad for, society.

If you are only interested in this from the societal aspect, maybe these findings make sense. But from a religious standpoint, the lack of knowledge/acceptance of basic doctrine is troubling.

But I would dispute the assumption that the devout dislike those that aren't going to heaven. Sure, there are people like that, but there are many others that have devoted their lives (or at least a good portion of their time and/or resources) to reach out to these people to try to improve their lives, in hopes that they will eventually end up in heaven. That sounds like good social capital to me.

Finished!

I finished reading the bible last Sunday night! I took me more than 90 days to finish but only a couple more so I still count it as a big success.

Here is where I would like to go on and on about what a great achievement it was and how much dedication it took - but I can't. I'm really glad I did it but it was almost embarrassingly easy. I had tried different plans for reading the bible in a year and never made it through but this 90 day program seemed so much more doable and I really never felt overwhelmed.

And I really did learn a lot. My second concern starting this program (the first being that I would drop out of yet another reading plan) was that I would be doing it only to check off the boxes and not really getting much out of it. That was not the case at all! I feel like I have a much better handle on the big picture plan God has (well, at least what He has told us about :-) And now I'm excited to go back and study certain books and passages that caught my attention.

Half way there!

As a Christian, I know spending time daily in God's word should be one of my top priorities but truthfully, I can't always say that it is. I go in cycles. I get immersed in a study or book of the bible and just as soon as I really start to see the fruit of allowing the Spirit to work in my life, I get distracted or break the habit. Then all of a sudden I realize it has been way to long since I spent time reading His word. It's a sad but true story.

This fall was particularly bad. I just let me daily devotional time slip away for months. So when I saw the 90 day challenge on other blogs, I was super excited. I really enjoyed the twice monthly bible memory challenge Beth Moore did last year, I think I do well with challenges. Maybe I have a more competitive spirit than I thought :-)

The 90 day challenge is a group of bloggers who are reading through the bible in 90 days, they started January 1st. Unfortunately, January was a bad month for me to start with the moving and what not, so I just started in February. I was a bit nervous I would start and then give up because, can you believe it... I've never read the whole bible! There, my secret is out. I know that is ridiculous because it's the book I base my entire life on, but while I've read the Genesis and the Gospels more times than I can count, I never seem to make it all the way through the book of Revelation, or really anywhere near Habakkuk or Nahum. I was really hoping that having the goal of completing it before Nigel arrives would inspire me to keep going.

There is an official bible you can buy, but I'm just using a bible I have along with their assignment chart. Mine is New Living Translation which is not normally my study bible but for this purpose I really like it. You start in Genesis and just keep reading until you finish. It seems like quite a bit of reading each day but it really only takes me 30-45 minutes and I'm getting so much out of it. Reading so quickly means you really get a feel for the whole story - and it's a good one! You don't have time to stop and ponder things but I'm keeping note of passages I want to go back to. I got behind when my mom was here but I've getting caught up again and a few days ago I passed the half way mark!

So about 40 days from now, you should be reading a post about how I finished! And if not, ask me about it. I need the accountability. And if you are looking for an intense but fulfilling bible reading task for the next few months, check it out.

Compromising?

Do you ever have conversations that just stick with you? I keep reading things about parenting and compromise. Mostly I find them ridiculous but they bring to mind a conversation I had with my college girlfriends several years ago. I was newly engaged and another was in a serious relationship but overall we were pretty clueless about marriage and boys and all that. Yet, here we were, having a deep conversation about submission and decision making and roles in marriage.

I, in my infinite 21-year-old wisdom (do you see my tongue in my cheek right now, I hope so), said that I thought it was very important for a wife to submit to her husband when they disagreed (I don't want to give the impression that I think I was wrong, I still think I had the concept right, I just think it is funny because at the time, I had NO idea how to do that, how hard it would be, and just how much I would end up fighting God on that whole concept later on, as in right now.) Another girl piped up and said that she didn't think it was fair for one person to have to give in, especially on major decisions, and that she thought a couple should just continue discussing until they came to an agreement, no matter how long that took. This seems to be the general idea that I've seen popping up in parenting magazines and books. At the time, I remember thinking how I didn't think that view was compatible with the scriptures I knew, but I didn't know how to articulate a response. Now fours years later, well, I still don't have a well thought out response other than "Ha, ha, ha...how's that working out for ya?"

Seriously, that doesn't work. Even if you could possibly make it work for the first year or two, it definitely wouldn't work once a baby came along. I used to think along with babies came diapers, cute nursery sets and teeny tiny clothing, but what really comes with babies is decisions! Lots and lots of decisions. Decisions that two people are in charge of making. And if you are unaware, two is an even number. So every time I see something state that compromise is even more important now that a baby is on it's way, I laugh. Because in reality, it seems like compromise is even more impossible now that a baby is on it's way. Things I would have been willing to compromise on before, I'm not now, things I didn't care much about are suddenly vitally important. I am a mama bear and don't come between me and my baby.

Now I do think Craig and I are pretty "lucky." We agree on probably 95% of things and Nigel is no exception. For the most part, we have the same goals and ideas about how we want to raise our kids and construct our life. But it's that last 5% that's so tricky. Talking about something is good, coming to an agreement or a compromise is good, but sometimes it just ain't gonna happen.

We decided early in our marriage that we would look to the Bible for our understanding of a marriage and we feel that the Bible says that the husband is the authority in family matters. Not the ultimate authority mind you, he's still under God's authority. But I'm not talking about issues that are due to one of us sinning or a result of us not having the mind of Christ. In these cases we both genuinely want to make the "best" decision, the one that is most beneficial to the health and welfare of Nigel. We just disagree on what that decision is.

Probably our first big disagreement in our marriage, I mean, major decision disagreement came with the flu season. He wanted me to get the H1N1 shot, and I did not. We talked and talked and talked but neither of us was going to change our mind. We just stopped bringing it up for a while. Which was good because it gave God time to work on softening my heart. And He helped me realize a few things:

1) I can normally trust Craig's decisions. All those times that he agrees with me, it's not because he doesn't care enough to bother fighting me on it. I've seen marriages like that, where the husband doesn't bother having an opinion because it seems like his wife will take the opposite one and she'll get her way anyway so why make the effort. That is not what I want nor, thank the Lord (literally), what our marriage is like. Craig does care about a lot of things, when he agrees with me it is because on baby things he either feels the way I do from the start or he doesn't have an opinion at all yet but once I present my case, he takes the facts into consideration and comes to the same conclusion. The fact that he is willing to disagree means that I can trust his opinion when he says he does agree with me and that is very reassuring.

2) My submitting to Craig is really submitting to God and even if if I feel like I can't trust Craig's decisions, I can trust his authority because it is rooted in God. Abraham completely botched the whole leading his wife thing and let Sarah get dragged off to be married to someone else - twice! That was not a good biblical decision by any stretch of the imagination and if I was Sarah, I might have felt justified in going against Abraham. But God took care of her, protected her, and even says that her following Abraham was a sign of her faith and hope in God.

3) In the end, if Craig makes the decision, he has to bear the responsibility. It's his fault if it all goes wrong (insert diabolical laugh here). Just kidding on this one, kinda :-)

So at my last appointment, I got the shot. Actually, once I submitted to him and decided to get it, we were able to come up with a compromise both of us could live with - I would wait to get the shot until my second trimester and then I would get the thimerosol-free version and would wait until the next month to get the seasonal flu shot. This worked out well as my doctor ended up being unwilling to give it to me until after the 14th week (I could have gone to our local health department earlier though). Craig would have preferred my getting it earlier, I would have preferred not getting it at all but we were both okay with the end result. (Or I was until I saw the giant needle but that is a different issue). But I can tell you that we would not have been able to come to that point if the Lord has not smacked me on the head and helped me submit to Craig.

Another decision might be coming up and there is absolutely no way to compromise. If we have a boy, do we circumcise or not?* We either do or we don't. It's just not something you can compromise on (okay, honey, let's just take off half the foreskin!) and in the 2.5 years we have talked about it, our opinions haven't changed so I don't hold out much hope that they will in the next 6 months either. One of us is going to have to give in. And, unless he really does change his views, it will be me.

And not just because he has slightly more first hand knowledge of the consequences of that decision either :-)

*Notice: To avoid a comments contretemps, I'm not asking y'all to weigh in. We both know how we feel and why and we will work it out. I'm using it as an example.

Advent

We had a good but noisy Thanksgiving with my family. I grew up around all that noise but I guess I've gotten used to the quiet of just Craig and I. We ate a lot, played some board games (which Craig and I dominated) and caught up on family news. Then, before I knew it, Thanksgiving was over and we were on our way home listening to Christmas music as we went. Ah, Christmas!

The Advent season started Sunday night although we didn't get around to it getting out of Christmas stuff until last night and we didn't have time to do the Advent devotional, but tonight it will happen for sure. Luckily the study we are doing is not 7 days a week so we should be able to catch up during the week.

I love Christmas time in general, but especially the season of Advent and the tradition of lighting the candles each night and doing our devotional. I remember doing it every year growing up and I love doing it together with Craig now. Our first year we missed a number of days but last year was much better and maybe this year we will actually get each one done.

I used to like it mostly because it was a tradition and I really like traditions in general but gradually I learned to like it because I began to see Advent as a season of preparation and I really did feel like my heart was more prepared for Christmas when I spent the time focusing on Christ. It is very hard to make Christmas about Christ when you spend 90% of your free time during December working on decorations, gifts, parties, etc. Spending my evenings refocusing on what is important does really prepare my heart for worship.

But this year, I've been seeing Advent mentioned a lot as a season of waiting and that has really spoken to me.

I feel like I've been waiting for a lot of things this year...waiting for God to bless us with a child, waiting for God to "fix" certain problems in my life or take them away, then waiting for the first trimester to finally end, and now waiting for God to reveal the answers to some big questions we have been asking him about our lives' direction. And while I'm not quite there yet, I have a feeling in a few months I will begin I will want to be done waiting for this baby to come out.

And most of the time, I'm not very good with waiting. I'm hoping this season God can show me more about the joy of waiting. Not just for Christmas morning, but waiting on his timing in all areas of my life.

Just think of how God's people waited and waited for his return. It was a long time, but I happen to think He was worth the wait. The little babe in the manger. And then they still had to wait for him to grow up. Now we wait for Him to return. I also like the how while the idea of preparation brings to mind all the things I need to do before it can happen, waiting is more passive. Not completely passive, God has given us things to do jobs to do while we wait, but we aren't responsible for causing anything to happen, we are just called to be ready when it is. Like
the bridal party, our having full or empty lamps didn't change when the groom came, just who was able to go into the party. I can't make Christmas come any faster by putting up my tree earlier (although many people seem to try) or making sure I have my 12 dozen cookies baked, nor can I slow it down just because it's Christmas eve and I haven't gotten everyone a present. Nope, it comes on December 25th, no matter what. And while I fight it sometimes, I think I
like not having that responsibility. Or at least I should. And that is what I hope to learn this Advent season, the joy of waiting.

Did God really say...

We finally made it back to church last week, for the first time in at least a month. I had really been missing it and even an hour before was contemplating skipping again but just made up my mind to feel better and go. So I did. In general, I am sad that our church is more casual, I like getting dressed up on Sundays and treating it like the special occasion that it is, but this time, it was really nice just to be able to pull on a pair of jeans and a sweater and head out. It was also nice knowing that I wasn't going to get any glares when I had to pull out a granola bar half way through the sermon. I guess laid back churches do have their advantages. And I'm so glad I made it, not just to see people who must have thought I was dying but also because the sermon really struck me.

It was the end of a series on "Stupid human tricks" and talked about how we rationalize our sinful behavior and convince ourselves that God's truth is not His truth or that we are somehow the exception to the rule. The minister started by walking us through the first time that happened, way back in Genesis, when the serpent got Eve rationalizing with his not-so-innocent question "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?" The correct answer is no, that isn't what God said. The serpent took just enough of God's word that Eve was drawn in but twisted it so that it was no longer the truth. I don't think any of us would be convinced if a serpent tried to get us to eat any fruit, but I do hear ask the same type of questions often and many times I see myself or fellow Christians falling for it.

At this point, I would like to say it was just the world that was asking those questions, but it isn't. This past Sunday, I unfortunately did not feel up to attending church but I did feel up to one of my new favorite "I'm too sick to get off the couch" activities - listing to Mark Driscoll sermons. I picked one on the emergent church, basically because I didn't really know much about them other than the guys tend to wear skinny jeans which probably isn't part of their official doctrine.

Anyway, Mark starts talking about the good and bad of the different types of emergent churches and how so many of them are asking the "Did God really say..." type questions and refusing to answer them. Really, he used that same phrase. It's been everywhere lately. That got me thinking even more, the problem doesn't come with the questions. The problem comes when we refuse to let God's word answer it. To try and philosophize or theorize our own answers instead of turning to His word for His truth. So I thought I would share a few of the questions I have been "hearing" lately and what I think the Bible really has to say about them:

• Does God really say that women should cover their whole bodies and be ashamed of who they are?

No! God made the female form to be beautiful and visually appealing, but most of that appeal is meant for one specific person to see, not the whole world. A woman's body isn't meant to be selfishly or carelessly flaunted, used as a tool to manipulate, or to be considered the source of her worth. True modesty values the complete woman, including her body.

• Does God really say that we should be hateful and mean towards homosexuals?

No! God doesn't want us to be hateful towards anyone but to show love. But He does say that homosexual behavior is sinful and encouraging someone in sinful behavior is not loving.

• Does God really say that women should be doormats for their husbands, with no opinions or self-esteem? That they are inferior in their ability to understand the gospel or to be used by Him?

No! God does not want His followers, men or women, to be weak-minded. Jesus considered Mary's sitting as His feet to learn a good thing. Even Paul (yes, Paul, the supposed woman hater of the Bible) praised Timothy's mother and grandmother for helping instill in Timothy his amazing faith as well as many other women for their work in evangelizing. But God has laid out specific roles for women in both church and family structure and when we are obedient to those commands, He can use us in amazing ways to further His kingdom and bring glory to
God. That is the thing about submission, it isn't weak, it's hard work that often takes a great deal of faith and it doesn't bring glory to a women, it brings glory to her Savior.

Are there any others that come to your mind?

Weary

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Galations 6:9

That is my verse for the first part of June. I haven't been talking about them all but I felt the need to delve into this one a bit more.

I didn't know what verse to pick when I went to Beth's post but I thought I would read through some of the comments and see if one spoke to me (to be honest, that is how I pick my verses most of the time, that sounds really lazy of me but the other woman always have great verses!)This was the very first verse and I knew it was for me.

Weary. Doesn't everyone have seasons in life where they just feel weary. I'm in one right now. It's tempting to just want to take a nap from life, to pull the proverbial golden string, waking up six months from now with all my problems sorted out. But that won't work. Not only because I'm not a bear so hibernation poses some physical problems, but because I know God wants me right here right now in the very place that he put me. And I know He put me here.

Sometimes you get weary because you are dealing with consequences of your sins. And sometimes you get weary because you are dealing with the consequences of other people's sins. You're somewhere you were never meant to be and you just want out. Well, God can use your weariness to bring you back to him so that you let him get you out.

But other times, you aren't in a bad place because anyone (you or someone else) put you there, your just there, weary, because life is hard. That is what I am in right now. I know I am doing good. I don't mean I'm perfect, but I know that there are a couple things weighing me down right now and in all of those circumstances, I am right with God. I know my heart is with His, I know that I am, at least for this very second, in His will.

Other's may see me and think, well "she's just not doing this, or that is why this is working out, or "she just needs to be content with her circumstances" but I know that God knows the real me and that the real me is "doing good". I'm like Job, wondering where his blessing went and why he isn't reaping the rewards he might have thought were coming.

And to be honest, sometimes I just want to be a toddler and yell "It's not fair" and "but, why!" and sit on my butt and throw a temper tantrum until I get what I want.

But then Holy Spirit kicks in and I remember what I know:

I know that He is God.

I know that I am not.

I know that He loves me and wants the best for me.

I know that He has a plan.

I know that while he invites me to talk to him about anything or even to cry out to him and ask him why, it really isn't my place to have to know why. If he chooses to tell me, now or sometime in the future, what his reasons for all this is, that would be great, if not, that will have to do.

I know that I will eventually reap a harvest. I don't want to be obedient to God because I think I get something out of it but to a certain extant, we as humans can't help that. But the reward I am working for shouldn't be earthly, it needs to be heavenly.

And I love how this verse doesn't say "Don't be weary - because that means you are discontent" or "Don't be weary - because that means you aren't trusting God," no, it's an encouragement, "Don't be weary - God's got something good for you if you can just hang on!"

So for now, I'll be waiting.

To Lance - or the post where I still can't leave well enough alone.

Lance, I feel like you are a pharisee, trying to stir up trouble with your questions of divorce but I will answer anyway :-)

I don't think divorce should be illegal for the same reason God allowed Moses to grant divorces - it isn't good for society. Back in the day (of Moses) men weren't divorcing their wives but were making their lives miserable because their hearts were hardened against them. They were being mistreated and abused instead of being divorced. That isn't good for society or a good illustration of God's love for his church.

So just as marriage is for the benefit and protection of women and children, in a very sad way, so is divorce. If we didn't have sin in the world, we wouldn't have that problem, but we do - so we do.

But I do think it is too easy to be divorced in this country. You may disagree, but I don't think it should be easy.

But moving from legality to church issues, I think the church is way too soft on divorce. Yes, it has become common in our society, but that doesn't mean God's view on it have changed. I think the only church accepted reasons for divorce should be those that are in the scripture. And the Bible does clearly lay out times when divorce is acceptable - never good, never what He intended, but acceptable.

In Matthew 19:9, Jesus says

"And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery."

My Strong's concordance translates that word "fornication" to porneia, which is defined as

1) Illicit s*xual intercourse (adultery, fornication, h*mos*xuality, l*sbianism, intercourse with animals, s*xual intercourse with close relatives, s*xual intercourse with a divorced man or woman.
2) The worship of idols

So apparently fornication is grounds for divorce. Another example of acceptable divorce comes up in 1 Corinthians 7:15 when it states that if a believer is married to a non-believer and the non-believe "wants out" that they are no longer bound.

My point here isn't to dissect every account when the Bible talks about divorce, it is that the Bible does talk about divorce. We don't have to use our minds to reason when divorce is okay and not okay, God tells us. And for most reasons, it isn't. And when it isn't, it is sin.

So just like I am not going to say homosexuality isn't a sin when I think the Bible says it is, neither am I willing to say that divorce isn't a sin in cases when I think the Bible says it is, even if if is unpopular to do so. I know that I don't make the rules, He does. And I think the church needs to do a better job of going back to the Bible as the basis for its standard of right and wrong.

But, and I think this is a big but, I hate to get so caught up in discussing what is a sin and what isn't a sin that I miss the whole point - forgiveness. I think it is important to define sin, because without knowledge of our sin, we can't repent, we can't ask for forgiveness. But the point is not the sin, the point is forgiveness. I said in my last post that my whole reason for living is to illustrate the gospel. The gospel is all about the grace of God. He wants us to live in his will because He loves us and wants the best for us. But He knows we can't do that on our own. That is the whole reason He sent Jesus. Repairing lives is what He does best. He wants to work miracles in our lives and restore them. God wants to forgive us of all our sin, that doesn't exclude homosexuality, that doesn't exclude divorce.

Since it all comes back to the Jesus, I feel like it is fitting to end with a verse about Him, you will probably recognize it:

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
John 3:16-17

To Rachel - Or the post where I just can't leave well enough alone.

This started as a comment on Rachel's post "Gay Marriage" but grew really big so I am posting it here. Be sure to go back to her post to follow the discussion.

Rachel,

I will state right now that I am going to use the Bible as the basis for my arguments. You will probably bring up separation of church and state and how we aren't a Christian nation and yes, that is true. But the people in our society, many of which are Christians, do get to decide what is a cultural norm. No, we don't get to infringe upon others rights but marriage is not a right. I don't have the right to marry whom every I want. I can't marry more than one person. I can't marry my brother. Why? Because we as a society don't think it is in the best interest of our society.

Marriage is a way society promotes what they want to be the norm. And I think you must agree with that because you realize it isn't just about legal/monetary rights because civil unions do that. But civil unions don't get you normalization. Marriage does. And I have absolutely no problem with society as a whole deciding what it wants to promote and encourage and what it does not.

But on to your first point, it's really the only one I am specifically going to address because this comment is already going to be ginormous.

You said, "Gay people are not a problem". I agree, sort of. They are a problem, but not any more that any other sinner is.

So right off the bat we disagree. I do think living a homosexual lifestyle is a sin. I believe that the entire Bible is the word of God and is completely true (I'm not clarifying that so much because I don't think you, Rachel, don't believe that, but because I know other "Christians" who
do not) so I do think those verses* clearly state that homosexuality is a sin and do apply today. But it isn't just those verses sprinkled here and there. It is that I can also see God's plan for marriage and human relations as a whole and how it is incompatible with homosexuality. People are not interchangeable. God made men and God made women. They are not the same. He also made them specifically in mind for marriage (man is not meant to be alone). That wasn't an accident. He made them for marriage with a plan, to highlight the gospel. I used to think about the comparison between the husband and wife and Jesus and the church to be a "kinda neat thing" Hmm, fancy that, they are similar, how neat. And then I would move on.

But once I got married, I really began to understand the example. Craig and I have different roles in our marriage, just as Christ and his Church have different roles in their relationship. They are not interchangeable, and neither are a husband and wife. And I realized I had the timelines all wrong. God didn't make man and woman and marriage, then have marriage exists for a couple thousand years, then once Jesus came around, God realized how similar the two relationships were. No!

God created marriage knowing that Jesus would be the ultimate husband, the head of the His church. As far as Christianity and God's plan - that is its purpose - to illustrate the gospel. And since God knew what he was doing, it is good in other ways, for the emotional and physical healthy of the couple, for the benefit of the children, for the stability of our society - all good stuff. But not the main goal. The main goal - to illustrate the gospel. In fact, that is our purpose as Christians - to illustrate the gospel. My entire life, everything I think, everything I do, should be about illustrating the gospel. It isn't because sanctification is a process and I am not perfect, but it should be.

So should I shun and despise divorcees? No!
Should I shun and despise fornicators? No!
Should I shun and despise homosexuals? No!

Should I despise divorce, fornication and homosexuality? Yes - because all those things undermine and tear apart the example that God has created of marriage as a representation of his Son's love for his church. They make a mockery of it.

I think some people hate to call homosexuality a sin because they don't think it is a choice. But I don't agree . You may think it is a crappy choice, a choice you wouldn't never want to make or ask anyone to make, a choice where all options are less than ideal. But it is a choice. And given the fallen and sinful state of mankind, it is not shocking that some people would want to sin in the that way. Some people are more disposed to pride, or to lust, or to gluttony. That doesn't mean those aren't sins.

Now I don't think we should chase after homosexuals yelling mean things at them anymore than I think we should do that to liars, thieves, adulterers, etc. Mostly because that would not illustrate the gospel to anyone, it would just make me look like a jerk. But neither am I willing to let homosexuality become acceptable in our society, any more so than I want lying, stealing, and adultery to become acceptable. Now people do have rights and they can choose to engage in behavior that I feel is immoral. I can't and wouldn't want to legally stop them. But the point of legalizing marriage is to make homosexuality normal and acceptable and I don't think it should be.

And if I truly believe that God loves me and every other individual on Earth (which I do) and that he has written the Bible as a plan for how I and every other person on earth should live our lives (which I do) and that the Bible says that homosexuality is a sin (which I do) - then I must think that his plan for our lives is the most loving and that if I or any other fellow man follow his plan, I will be eternally better off. The choices I make to live his plan may not always make me "feel" as good, they may not always make my life comfy and cozy and easy. But they are the best. So how can I think it is loving to encourage someone to do something contrary to God's plan? You think it would be unloving to ask a homosexual to abstain from marriage because they won't get the joy of marriage. But I don't want them to abstain from living God's plan because they will miss out on the joy of God's plan. And that is so much more than the whatever benefits they would get from marriage.

*1 Corinthians 6:8-9
Romans 1:26-27
1 Timothy 1:9-10
Jude 1:7

Holy Week

I think this is one of the first years where the term "Holy Week" really
means something to me.

One of Merriam-Websters definitions of holy is
- devoted entirely to the deity or the work of the deity.

This past week has felt like it was devoted entirely to the work of deity. Yes, I went to work, and cooked dinner, and did laundry, but God was everywhere and in everything that I did. He always is, but I felt it more this week. No longer was I left trying to understand what the Catholic bloggers I read were trying to say when they talk about the joy of Holy Week. I hope that this is just one of many Easters I will feel this way.

The week before Easter, I made a little garland (pictured above). It wasn't anything fancy, I just stumbled upon this tutorial and thought it would be a nice touch. I still haven't taken in down - I really like how festive and cheerful it is.

Palm Sunday we started doing this devotional. It has a passage to read, a few questions and a prayer for each night from Palm Sunday to Easter. With a little bit of commentary and a lot of scripture, it avoided the most common problem in devotionals and was nice and meaty while still only taking 20-30 minutes a night.

Wednesday we celebrated a modified Seder. I have done Seder suppers with churches before and have even hosted one for a Christian sorority I was in back in the college days but Craig and I hadn't ever thought of doing one as a family. But this post gave me the idea. We didn't do the full script but served a simple seder supper using this as a guide. I served lamb stew, egg and onion matza, hard boiled eggs dipped in salt water, horseradish and charoset (I didn't follow a recipe, just mixed some nuts, chopped apples, currants, honey and grape juice). There also should have been parsley but somehow that didn't make it from my list to my shopping cart :-) We read our regular devotional during dinner and then talked about the meaning of each item on the table, both the traditional Jewish meaning and the new meaning that Christ brought. It was really incredible to have a physical way to learn about our Jewish history. No, we aren't Jewish by blood, but as Christians we have been adopted into God's family and so their history is our history. But the original Passover story isn't the whole story by far. To see the new meanings of each items really brought home how God's story was finished. The whole story was planned from the beginning, and it all makes sense - it fits together like a perfect puzzle.

And yes, technically this was a day early but that Thursday nights we have home group and I didn't want to feel rushed. It was a good decision because at the last minute, the home where we normally meet was unavailable so we were able to offer our place. It was just another chance to be thankful we have a small apartment as I only had 2 hours from the time we got home to
make and eat dinner, make a snack for the hg and completely clean the apartment.

Despite the frantic cleaning required, it was another great night. It was our worship night so all we did was sing songs, pray and break bread (or saltines) together. Sitting there with friends, knowing we were doing something similar to Jesus did with his friends just this night two thousand or so years ago, was a little intense. Normally people are quite talkative during our prayer times but this time everyone was speechless. When the night ended, my heart was heavy. But not in the sad, almost depressed way it has been lately do to a lot of circumstances, but in a pensive manner. Just knowing that He had to die, for me, for my sins. There was a weight on me.

Friday afternoon I had off work and we spent some time making sweets and relaxing before heading to Austin for some fun adventures with my brother. We had a great time and I'll try to put up pictures later, but still the weight was still there.

Then Sunday night before heading back home, we went to evening worship with my brother.
Now I learned to love the more casual worship times we have with our hg and our Baptist service but I do miss liturgy. Attending an Episcopalian service was just what I
needed. The hymns I knew, the liturgy, communion - I enjoyed every second and left really rejoicing in the knowledge that Christ has risen. He has risen indeed.

So I have learned a lot this Lenten season, especially this past week. I've learned that I am a physical person, I like to learn from books too but sometimes having daily reminders and activities around me really does make a difference in my ability to think constantly of God, of his work in my life, his goodness, his blessings. But I am not just happy I did it because now I am rejoicing in God's gift. The past week I went through a whole spectrum of emotions this week and through all of it, God was with me. In the worry, in the sadness, in the rejoicing, He was there. And that is true all year long, not just during Holy week.

Two birds, one stone

Tonight I "celebrated" Fat Tuesday by cleaning out my cupboards in preparation for Lent but I extend that to a pretty thorough kitchen cleaning (if you consider the fridge to be outside the kitchen and since I didn't get to it, I am) for spring cleaning, too.

Side rant about spring cleaning. I have decided I am not a big fan of "spring" cleaning since who really realizes it is finally getting warm and sunny outside they are so excited that they aren't stuck inside anymore due to bad weather that they decided to stay inside and clean? No, it should really be winter cleaning and since most of the country isn't expecting a high of 82 tomorrow like we are, that seems fair. Okay, side rant is over.

But back to Lent. Now my sugar, corn syrup* and assorted baking chocolate stash are now put away in a top shelf to be used no more 'til Easter. My official lent rules are no dessert type sweets - goodbye brownies, cake, cookies, ice cream etc. Those I will keep around for cooking purposes but that isn't part of the real Lent, I just think it will help ease the sugar addiction. But to make life easier on myself I am doing away with all but my natural sweeteners: honey, molasses and maple syrup. (That means I can at least make my favorite homemade ice cream recipe on Sundays since it uses honey! That will also be nice to Craig since he will be giving up a lot of treats by default)

With all my talk about eating healthy, I could be doing this just as an excuse for more healthy eating, but I am really not. Overall, I live by the 80% rule - if 80% of my diet is healthy food, I'm not going to stress about that last 20% which more often than not contains ice cream. I am choosing this because I know that this is one area in which I really lack self control. Or a better way to phrase that is it is one area that I can see my lack of self control. I hate that and for good reason. Self control is important. Here are some verses I found on self-control to keep me motivated. And don't worry, they are positive and encouraging!

You must teach what is in accord with sound doctrine. Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance. Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray (1Peter 4:7b).

Self control is for men and women, young and old. And it's a gift that just keeps giving, helping you out with other disciplines like prayer. So basically, self control = good. But don't stress out about your lack thereof (she says to herself). When I said that it was a gift, it is:

And because of his glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious promises. These are the promises that enable you to share his divine nature and escape the world’s corruption caused by human desires. In view of all this, make every effort to respond to God’s promises. Supplement your faith with a generous provision of moral excellence, and moral excellence with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with patient endurance, and patient endurance with godliness (2 Peter 1:4-6).

For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age (Titus 2:11-12).

So self control has been promised to us. It's been given to use as a generous provision. It's being taught to us by the Holy Spirit. God isn't holding it back from us, doling out tiny doses to the "really good Christians." It's a fruit of the Spirit. But along with the grace God has freely given us comes the expectation that we will live self-controlled lives.

You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ (Romans 8:9).

He's giving it to us so he expects us to have it, fair enough. I won't be eating any big bowls of ice cream during the next 40 days, but I am hoping a big bowl of fruit of the spirit salad will be enough to keep my sweet tooth occupied.

* Don't tell anyone I even had that or they will take away my undercover hippie status but my favorite cookie recipe uses it and I swear I haven't used it since Christmas and I should just throw it out but they are really good cookies! So good, I don't even care that I might be ingesting mercury.

Memory Maverick - Wannabe

I had meant to share this with y'all the last three times I have done it but kept forgeting. But not this time. Since the beginning of this year, I have been participating in the Living Proof Ministries Blog's Siesta Scripture Memory Team. You can see the little button down on the right.

Basically, you pick a verse on the 1st and 15th of each month and leave a comment on their post that says what verse you picked and who you are. Then you write it down in a spiral bound 3X5 pack and memorize it. It sounds so basic but I have struggled with memorizing verses for a long time yet this has been working for me. Maybe it is just knowing that I am part of a communitiy of believers, of women, who are striving to know our God better. Maybe it is being intentional. Maybe it is the deadline that forces me to concentrate and work at it. I don't know but I like it.

I really never have my verse picked out before hand but read through everyone else's comments and there is always a verse that stands out. Maybe someday I will have a verse picked in advance, but either way, I am getting God's word into my head and my heart - permanently. How exciting!

I have decided to also write mine below the button each time, to share with you guys and to reinforce it for myself. And really, the verse that I choose each time will probably give you more insight into my life at the moment than anything I could write. I hope you'll join me. If you do, Beth has put up a mini-tutorial with some memory hints that really do work, I've been using them.

Intentionality

Although I never did get around to writing a post about all the things I was thankful for, I did enjoy reading everyone else's posts on the subject and they brought up something I have been thinking about a lot lately - being intentional. It's not that people love their family and friends and Diet Dr. Pepper more at this time of the year, it's that they are making a point to remember all that they have and that they should be grateful for. They are being intentionally grateful.

I want to be intentional, not just in my gratitude, but in everything I do from what I watch and read, to what I wear, to what I say and what I do. It isn't always easy but as a Christian, I need to remember that the bible has a lot to say about more areas of our lives than we would care to admit. And in deciding how to live my life, I shouldn't rush off to follow what the latest study says about this, or the most popular expert has written about that. Nor should I necessarily do things the way I was raised, or even the way I see most Christians acting. Instead, I should examine the Bible and apply its principles to that area of my life.

In some ways it has been easy for Craig and I to be intentional about things our first year of marriage because as we were merging our lives, things naturally came up that needed to be decided. But the longer we are married the easier it is to continue on doing the same things we did before just because. I've already noticed it and we haven't even been married very long at all! It's hard, but it is important.

Right now, we are thinking about Christmas. On our little drive over the river and through the woods to Houston Wednesday night, Craig and I were able to talk about what we wanted our future Christmases to be like - how were we going to handle the Santa issue, what traditions do we want to keep (and what do we want to get rid of), things like that. And it needs to start now because our thoughts about Christmas and the traditions we start now are going to be what shapes our behavior later. If when I think "Christmas" my mind is full of stuff and presents and other gilded lilies, then when I try to create a special Christmas for my kids, that is what I will want them to have.

And, if you read my last post, you'll know that "stuff" isn't what I want my (future) childrens' Christmases to be about. I want them to be more than that. And that doesn't just happen, we will need to be intentional about it. I don't think any of the parents in my last post sat down and thought, I want Christmas to be a purely superficial experience for my children. Heck, even non-Christian Christmas celebrators want it to at least be about love and family. And it doesn't mean that it is easy to live that out. I will be the first to admit that it is really hard. I totally failed last year. Not because I went crazy with spending and gifts, but because I went crazy with crafts and decorating and wanting everything to be perfect. Ironically, the whole reason we have Christmas is that the Earth isn't perfect. If it was, we wouldn't have needed that little baby in the manger. At least God's design for Christmas was intentional. In fact, He had it planned since before the world began.

I don't really know where this post is going but I feel the need to write it anyway.

Lately at work, I've been building a database from an old excel file and as anyone who has done that before knows, it involves lots of mindless data entry. Which, not so coincidentally has coincided with the Revive our Hearts series on the Proverbs 31 Woman (True Woman Makeover) so I've been able to listen to that as I work. I hadn't ever heard of that group or Nancy Leigh DeMoss before but I am thoroughly enjoying the series.

If you are a Christian woman, whether complementarian or egalitarian, I urge you to read/listen to at least the first one of these talks. I know a lot of my friends are egalitarian and I'm not suggesting you listen to necessarily be convinced and change your evil way of thinking (said in best deep and condescending way imaginable, lol) but more to understand the other point of view and why complementarians like myself feel the way we do. I get so much out of reading other peoples' explanations of what they believe the Bible is saying about a certain subject, whether that is quiver-full movement or dress-only or Halloween celebrators or non-Halloween celebrators. I obviously have not changed my thinking to agree with all of them but in most cases, it helps me to see them not as "people who believe weird things" but as people with different convictions (think 1 Corinthians 8). I obviously think my way has more scriptural merit or it wouldn't be what I believe, but I recognize that others feel differently.

Personally, this series has really had convicted me in several areas and inspired me to work on them. Of course, as soon as I felt the Holy Spirit telling me I needed to let him address areas, my mind went to work thinking of how I was going to fix that. And yesterday, it bit me in the butt. I had an awful attitude. I was so grumpy I ended up picking a fight with Craig over how he took cookies to his office and I can't even blame it on PMS. Now, I won't share all the areas in which I was convicted, but spending more time fighting with my husband was certainly NOT one of them. So I am starting over today - don't you just love how grace allows you to do that, start new every day! Reminds me of Ms. Stacy's wise advice to Anne, "tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it." But today, I am asking the Holy Spirit to change me, to mold me into Christ.

I hear people say they want to be like Christ fairly often and I include myself in that. But do I really really, deep down inside, strive to be like Him, or do I think if I were, I would be no fun (who said Jesus wasn't fun?), I would be too perfect (I wouldn't), no one would like me because I'd be too harsh and Pharisee-like (not if I was really like Jesus). Do I convince myself that some weakness (sins) are good/okay because they remind me I'm not perfect (I don't really think that will ever be a problem).

Have we as a Christian culture, taught ourselves to cringe at the idea of "good works?" I know I don't really like the phrase "good works." I have somehow equated that with trying to earn salvation, and it certainly can come to mean that when taken out of context. But I keep coming upon this verse that use that phrase in a good way:

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10

Now, good works will never get me into heaven. Salvation is a gift and trying to earn it is ridiculous and wrong. But once we are a Christian, we show our love to God by our obedience.

This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands. This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome. I John 5:2-3

If I do good things to show God how good I am and try to earn my way into heaven, he sees that as repulsive as bloody tampons (did anyone else just throw up a little in their mouth at the thought of giving God bloody tampons?). Yet if I do good things out of obedience to God, he sees that as love. To people, it may seem like the same thing, but God knows my heart.

I think of good works as being like little kids who go with their mom to buy a present for their dad. Now, the dad is one who earned the money so really he is giving himself a present, but does the dad think like that? No, he loves his present because it is his child way of showing love for his dad.

I love God and I want to show him my love by my obedience. Now, the only good things I can do are because of the Holy Spirit who was given to me as a gift when I became a Christian, but God sees my good works and obedience as love - as long as I understand that even my obedience is a result of God's grace and love towards me through the Holy Spirit, and not because of my own goodness. It is a hard concept and no matter how much I think I understand it, I don't live it out. So this post is really just to remind me of what I should already know and maybe it will remind you too.

Lesson learned...maybe not.

Again, thank you all for your comments on my lonely post, they were so encouraging and helpful. Carrie's questions about the purpose of church really got me thinking and while I still don't know how I would answer them, I do know it has to be more than just a place to sit on Sunday morning to listen to a sermon. I could do that on my couch in my jammies.

I think what I learned most from writing that post and thinking about it and the comments was that, for better or for worse, I am still emotionally attached to "the old church." At to be honest, whether we go back there or not, I agree with Rachel that is has been for the better. Would I rather have gone to that church for three years and only a little more than a year later, feel no attachment to it and the people that had meant so much to me? That may have been easier, but not better. The idea of church, at it's core, has to do with relationships. You can't take the relationship part out of it and be left with anything like what the bible describes the church:

Hebrews 10:24-25
And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Acts 2:42 - They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.

and

Acts 2: 46-47
Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

I see a few purposes for the church listed there - encouragement, instruction, worship, and accountability and breaking bread together. And for any of those to happen, with the possible exception of instruction, there has to be relationships. A potluck with one person is really just a pan of brownies and that is not healthy.

Now it isn't just relationships. I want to be encouraged toward love and good deeds but if my fellow Christians are "encouraging" my unbiblical behavior, I'm not gaining much. And if I am being instructed in lies, again, not really a big help.

Part of the trouble I had moving on from "t.o.c" came not from the events that lead to the initial decision but instead the feeling that I had been forced to leave (or more accurately, not go back) because of them.

And it was that way of thinking that had me feeling bitter. That's was a big problem - I do not go to a church or not go to a church because of any man. I go because of God. And when it becomes a matter of following God's lead, there is no reason for me to be bitter. I could justify being bitter about someone forcing me out of my church, I can't justify being bitter about God wanting me to be used somewhere else.

And I can't be unloving to the people of God. No matter what building they go to on Sunday morning, they are a part of God's church. And God loves His Church. Jesus loved them so much that he laid down his life for His church so I don't think he will take kindly to me not loving them.

1 John 4:19-20
We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.

Yep, I was right. He's not a fan of that. After praying and pondering and praying some more, I asked God to help me forgive. And he did, I no longer have that bitterness.

I will confess, I kinda thought that since I had learned the lesson God wanted me to learn, he would instantaneous make it easier for us to find a church home. I feel ridiculous admitting that, but I did. Saturday night, I was like, "Okay, God, now I know what the problem was and why this has been so difficult and we talked about it, you fixed it so now you can just show us your path, make it nice and clear." That didn't quite happen.

In the last few weeks, I've have also learned that I am way emotional about it and so I'm backing off and letting Craig make some of the decisions about what places to check out and keep considering and I know that we will find someplace eventually.

And to be honest, as uncomfortable as church shopping can be, I have gotten something out of every single service we have been too. At least one phrase has popped out at me from each sermon and really convicted me, and that is unusual for me. So, while I wouldn't recommend spending 10 weeks find a church, you can't put limitations on how God work in your life.

Rants about church shopping

Disclaimer: I will be talking about different churches and offering my opinion on some of the things they do. I want to make it clear that while I may be stating my dislike for a particular component of a church, it doesn't mean I think they are not Christian. Sometimes it is purely preference (do you like traditional hymns or praise and worship songs) while other times I think it reflects a real difference in principles and priorities. And while obviously I think my opinion is correct, [if I didn't, it wouldn't be my opinion:-) ] I don't want to imply that some churches are above others. In fact, I often agree more with Catholics and Baptists on certain theological issues than I do with Lutherans (which technically is what I am). And all the churches we visited obviously love God.

We've been "church shopping" lately. I dislike the phrase "church shopping" but not as much as I dislike the activity. I hate the phrase because it seems like you just have to find a church that fits all your needs, but that isn't the point of church and it seems very self centered. But after the last few weeks, it does seem to be the most fitting phrase.

I hate the activity because I always feel so awkward at a new church. And I'm coming from a church that I loved and where I was comfortable. When you get really involved with a church, they end up feeling like your second family and it hurts to leave it. Then I search for a new one and hate them all because they are different and I just "know" that I will never find one I love as much as the one I left. Of course, I always do and then I leave that one and feel the same way about it. But it takes time to build those relationships and I don't always like the transition process.

The first week we went to a Baptist church and the second week we went to a Methodist church that thought it was Pentecostal. The first week was obviously a stretch for us but I knew people there and wanted to give it a try. The second week, I spent most of the service wondering if anyone knew they were supposed to be Methodists, included the pastor who spent the service with his hands in the air. There was laying on of hands, and extemporaneous congregational prayer and a complete lack of liturgy. Now none of those things are necessarily wrong, they just aren't very Methodist. This week we went to a Lutheran Church (Missouri Synod), we liked it much better and we will probably go back next week. I was worried because the church's website called it a "contemporary service" and I have been frustrated with a couple things I keep seeing at contemporary services including:

• Length - Neither of the first two services were under a hour and a half. That is a long time. If there was any liturgy, I would understand a bit more but when the sermon lasts a hour, it gets hard to focus. I don't like to sit in church and not get anything out of it - I really do go to worship and learn. At one of the services, I really liked the topic he chose (it included a Oprah as a bad example, how could I not like that?) but after 30 minutes, I couldn't pay attention any more. It doesn't seem like they are covering more, they just seem repetitive or they give too many examples. I realize this is a complete personal preference thing but as long as it is biblically sound, I'd rather hear 20 minutes of sermonizing with a message I can carry with me and be done with it.

• Stage - Why do so many churches nowadays seem to be set up more like a stage than a sanctuary? Wow, I just used the word "nowadays", I sound like I'm eighty but I am not at church to be entertained by your amazing band (complete with tambourine) or your stunning displays of A/V skills. To be fair, all three churches, including the last one we liked, used a PowerPoint presentation of some kind with the sermon and I did find it helpful but in the third it was still obviously a sanctuary while the first two had stages. When the music started the lights dimmed everywhere except the praise and worship band leaving me with the feeling like they were worshiping and we were supposed to be watching...I want to feel included in the worship. And the second church didn't even have a cross up there! Only some pretty candles and a metal word that said "Pray" and looked like it came from a Pottery Barn catalog.

• Casualness - I think this is a trend in all churches but it seems some types of churches are more prone to it than others. Growing up, I hated dresses and anything fancy (and anything with a tag, and looking back at pictures it seems like anything that matched too) but my parents insisted I look nice on Sundays because I was going to worship God and He deserved my best. Now it seems like you're lucky if 50% of the church is wearing shoes not made of plastic. And I realize that you are always going to have teenagers who try and get away with baggy pants or short skirts and I don't think they should be shunned because of that but if you are going to have a stage, is it too much to ask that those on the stage at least be wearing khaki's, a belt and a non-t-shirt. But it isn't just clothing either, it is a total attitude and casual attitude. In the past three weeks, I have seen people bring in supersized 7-eleven cups of Coke into the sanctuary with them. (Maybe they need that much caffeine to make it through the hour long sermon) Yes, people should be comfortable, but I think real comfort is knowing you are worshiping God with a community of other believers who know you and care about are you and are worshiping God too, not the ability to show up Sunday morning in flip flops with a Coke by your side.

Now I realize these aren't the most important things when searching for a church but I do think, at least on the last two, they reflect an attitude about the purpose and importance of the church. And while writing that kinda made me feel like a senior citizen complaining about the young people of the world, at least I'm not alone.

Oh, and on a less grumpy note, make sure you submit an in idea for my giveaway contest! You only have one more day.

Oprah vs. Craig: The Showdown

I've come to a decision about Oprah. My mom wrote about her recent movement and Heather (and I must confess I feel really weird using her first name because I haven't ever delurked and a first name seems too personal but I don't know what else to use) wrote a whole series. After reading what they, and the scriptures, had to say, I have decided that I can no longer watch her, or read her magazine. To be honest, it doesn't mean a big change to my daily life. I work till 5 so I don't watch her regulary but on those Monday holidays or vacation days, I would and now I won't. I could go into a whole thing about why, and I will if anyone asks but basically, this post summarizes it pretty well.

But this post isn't really about Oprah. It's about my attitude. Heather should never have had to convince me to stop watching Oprah. I'm glad that she did and I am glad that God has put women who are more mature in their faith in both the real and blog versions on my life. But I should have heard what she was saying wwwaaayy before now.

Both Craig and I have talked about his dislike of Oprah before. And when I say dislike I don't mean in the same what he dislikes Jane Austen movies. He doesn't like Jane Austen movies because he finds them boring and girly - but he doesn't find them objectionable. He doesn't like Oprah because he thinks what she says isn't worthwhile. Okay, the be honest, he would probably say something more like he thinks pretty much everything she says is a piece of crap - and he would be right! So why did I need someone else to say that before I would listen?

Here is my man, my Adam, given to me by God to lead me spiritually and protect me and I didn't listen to him because...I didn't want to? I didn't feel like it? I wanted to do what I wanted to do and that was that? Yes. And that is not okay!

Before I got married, I wasn't one of those women who objected to the idea of women being submissive. I agreed with all those verses that say a wife should submit to her husband, that he should be the head of the household and I actually looked forward to the day when we would be married and that would be the case. But in my mind, that meant that he would lead devotionals and our prayer time together before we went to sleep. Somehow the idea of him telling me that something was wrong and my having to adjust my thinking didn't fit with the little picture in my head. I was only following Craig's lead when he led me where I wanted to go.

But that needs to change. I just started a Beth Moore study and one of the first things she talked about was having your theology fit your reality. That hit me hard. I want my theology to fit my reality but that is only going to start happening when I let God mold me and I let Craig lead me. He won't ever force me to follow him, just as he didn't force me to stop watching Oprah. That isn't who he is and that wouldn't be biblical either. But I am going to start trying to follow him so as for Craig and his household, we won't be watching Oprah anymore.

Good, better, best?

I love the line in the Incredibles where the mom says "Everyone's special, Dash" to which Dash replies "Which is another way of saying no one is." It reminds me of how people are afraid to call something good, because that might mean you are saying the opposite is bad. Or why no one wants to label something "the best" (commercials being the exemption) because that might mean the alternative is something less than the best. Why does our society have such a problem with that?

Lately I have been seeing a number of these situations, and it's frustrating. Maybe an example or two would clear things up.

- Breastfeeding. Studies show that breast milk is the best thing you can feed your child. Even formula ads say so, albeit in fine print for only a few seconds, but if you look, it is there. That being said, there are a number of situations where that isn't possible (mom needing to be on meds that can be passed through to the baby, not producing enough milk, multiples, adoption situations, to name a few). Luckily there are formulas available for times like that. But almost every time I see any study or post citing the benefits of breastfeeding, I see lots of comments saying that all that information is doing is making women who don't breastfeed feel guilty about it.

But breastfeeding isn't really what I want to talk about today, it is just an example of society's dislike of classifying something as better than something else. The impetus for this post came from this slate article that highlights some data regarding children born out of wedlock. The point of the article is that a child does best in a home with a father and a mother that are married to each other. Shocking, but true!

Apparently, this article has stirred up some controversy and just a quick search on my part brought up a number of rebuttals blasting Emily Yoffe for having written such a "moralistic and judgmental" article, spouting "How dare she say that a single mom can't raise children without them ending up as poor, ignorant criminals." Now, if you read the article you will see she said no such thing. But the fact that she says one situation (married two parent home) is better than another (single parent) apparently means she is an evil person.

I'm not really surprised to find anti-family articles on the mothers who also happen to be lesbian site I ended up on. I was however, surprised at a comment on Boundless, a Christian blog I frequent. This comment, which is now mysteriously gone so you will just have to believe me that it did exist, talked about an a circumstance where the mother could have married the father but he was a selfish, juvenile, jerk who wouldn't have made a good father so isn't it better than she didn't and included complaints that you can't judge a mother and say she isn't a good parent when you don't know the circumstances. The Boundless article wasn't saying we should go around judging single mothers, pointing our fingers and yelling "heathen" at them. It was simply saying that it is nice when studies back up biblical truths.

I get annoyed at this when I see it in the media or on a secular blog, [or a lesbian mom website :-], but I can let it roll of my shoulders relatively well. When I see today's Christians responding that way however, I get really frustrated because not only do I think in many of these cases it ends up with those people accepting the world's opinions over God's truth, I think it hurts our witnessing opportunities and ability to love those around us.

Let's take the example of single parenting. First off, I will say that I think single parenting is not God's design for raising children. However, we live in a fallen world and it happens. So what should Christians and the church do about it?

a) Ignore it
b) Say it isn't a big deal and kids raised in single homes are just as well off as kids in a married, two parent home.
c) See it as yet another consequence of living in a world full of sin and use it as an opportunity to show God's love to that family.

I think c. While I don't know of any Bible verses that speak of single parents, if we see them as a less than ideal situation, I think we can easily put them into the same category as widows and orphans. And God obviously has a special spot in his heart for those in need:

Psalms 68:5 - A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.

And if we look at these verses, I think we get a good picture of how we are commanded to treat them as well:

Psalms 82:3 - Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed.

James 1:27 - Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

So guess what? God wants us to show love to them! (This post is just full of shocking statements, isn't it?) Amanda Cate wrote this great article that mentions just a few of the ways we can help single moms and show them love through our actions. Most of her ideas, which include offering rides, babysitting, meals, or a chance for adult conversations, don't involve more than a little time and thoughtfulness but can make a big impact in someone's day.

But if single parenting is just another of the many suitable options a person has when choosing what type of family they want, why should we as Christians go out of our way to help and encourage them? If a two parent home isn't better than a single parent home why would they need any extra encouragement? One of the main purposes of the church is to encourage one another in our struggles, and if keeping God's ideal in mind helps us to see areas where people are struggling, why is that a bad thing?

On the other hand, if you find yourself judging someone because the circumstances they find themselves in aren't God's ideal, you had better than a look at yourself, cause I'm pretty sure your aren't God's ideal either. I know I'm not. We all are in need of His mercy and love. But as I said, God has a special spot in his heart for all those in need. Hallelujah for that.