One may be the loneliest number but two can be pretty lonely as well

Warning - I am frustrated and grumpy and taking it out in this post.

You may have noticed that we haven't posted a lot lately. It's almost the end of September month and we are at about half of the number of posts we normally make each month. That is mostly because we haven't been doing anything but work/school, come home, eat dinner, maybe work out, maybe not, read or watch a movie, go to bed, repeat. It's not that I don't like spending time just the two or us or that I don't like routine, I certainly do. But every once in a while, it is nice to interact with other human beings. I think it is worse for me because 1) I am a girl and need more social interaction than Craig and 2) He has fellow student to converse with and relate to while I am stuck in a lab by myself. I maybe say 50 words during the day, maybe. In fact, last week I went the whole day without saying a single word out loud from 8 to 3ish. When the cleaning lady came in to change the garbage, I tried to say hi but my mouth was all dry so no sound came out. That being said, I don't think I would mind the work thing if we had friend to hang out with at other times.

We do have some old friends in town but we don't hang out much, I'm not sure why. I guess partly because we don't see them 2-3 times a week at church anymore so we don't have the opportunity to just say, hey, let's grab lunch/dinner/ice cream/anything edible.

Oh church, I'm just frustrated with churches. I hate criticizing the Church, as in the Body of Christ (stop laughing, I really do, I just ignore that feeling a lot), because I love the people that make it up but I need to get this off my chest. We have been living here for about 6 weeks now and we really haven't made any progress with church shopping (and hopefully the friendships that come with a church). Despite my last post, which was another rant from being annoyed with church shopping and was a little harsher than I now wish it was, I don't think we are being that picky.

We stuck with the Lutheran one for three weeks. The service was nice and the sermons were good but not a single person greeted us. Even when we went through the line and shook the pastors hand, he just said hi, despite the fact that he greeted everyone else by name and obviously didn't know ours. He could have at least said made up something about it being nice to see new faces. (Ironically, the sermon series he had been giving was about building communities.) We even went to a small group but it didn't really fit us. And I emailed people about other studies that would be more of a fit, but no reply. So after three tries and seemingly no way to even meet anybody there, we bid them farewell. (If you attend a very welcoming church or are a welcoming person at your church, take this as an encouragement, it is appreciated! I am convicted because I haven't always been a big greeter at church but that will be changing)

So we tried a different church last, a fairly large popular church in the area. They are well know for their music ministries and although the music was amazing, the rest seemed, uhm, fluffy? Let's just say when the sermon includes 10 full minutes of watching scenes from Sister Act and only 1 bible verse being references, I begin to wonder if someone has their priorities right. Just sayin.'

Despite what I said last month about their being tons of churches in the area, I feel like we are running out of options. Obviously some of the options are automatically out because of personal preference, but a traditional service is important to Craig so we will stand by that.

But each time we give each other a thumbs down look as we leave, I get more and more tempted to return to "the old church." The old church was the reason Craig and I met, and the reason I knew he could be a spiritual leader and husband and it's where we made all our amazing friends (you know, the ones you keep seeing in all the wedding pictures). We know people there. People that have helped my faith grow and helped show my how God could pull me out of the pit I was in. People that befriended Craig and I and gave us advice about what living in Logan was like so I didn't completely flip out about moving to Utah. And little people two, ones I have known since before they were born. And ones I taught VBS songs too.

Part of me is wondering if the reasons we choose not to go back there are valid, or if I am just holding a grudge and being stubborn. I honestly don't know. Maybe all the doors we are facing are closed for a reason. But the other part of me says I am just being impatient and there are reasons we didn't want to go there so why should that change just because it seems hard now. And even if we do go back, it's not all going to be the same. A lot has changed and just like coming back to the same town wasn't the same as before, going back to the same church won't be either.

When everything about a church is good except one thing, is that good enough? What if that one thing is church leadership? And how much of a church is the members as opposed to the pastor? I just don't know.

This week we will be taking a rest as we will be in Ft. Worth. I'm really glad, I need it. But then we will be back at it, trying to find out where God wants us to be. Until we know, I will just keep reminding myself that it is God's burden, not mine. He obviously wants us to fellowship with other Christians so He is going to have to make that possible. Iwill allow him to work in mylife, but I don't need to be encumbered with a burden that isn't mine so I'm going to try to give it to him. Really, I am. I'll let you now how it goes.