I came here to blog about our mini-roadtrip last weekend. And I do want to get to that soon but I'm just not feeling it right now. I am feeling weary. Not from the trip, although "vacations" with small children can wear you out, but just weary of this world. Yet again, cancer is wrecking havoc on the life of someone I love and it's so awful. I hate cancer. I hate that it took my mom from me and that know when someone else is sick and I want to turn to her because she loved this guy too, I can't. I hate that he is in pain. I hate sin that brought death and disease into this world. And yes, sometimes I hate this world. Don't get my wrong, there are lovely parts to it as well but I've just been reminded that this world is not my home. And sometimes, I just want to feel at home. Be safe there knowing that the taint of sin's effect can't reach me and those I care about. And someday I will. But for now, I trust in my Savior and the little bit of home he's placed inside me with the gift of the Holy Spirit.

I like listening to music but I can't really call myself a "music person." I'm just not that cool ;-) But when the going gets tough, I always turn to Page CXVI. It just touches me soul. I can't listen to a lot of it when I'm not sad or in need of encouragement because now it takes me back to so many hard moments in my life that I don't particularly want to recall the majority of the time. But when I need it, its there. Their song Joy is one of those songs. I've seen criticisms of it saying that it doesn't sound very joyful and I try not to roll my eyes because someone is obviously missing the point. Sometimes you have the VBS kind of joy in your heart, and that's great. But sometimes its a more effortful joy, a walking forward joy, a "I know this so I'm going to choose to believe it" kinda of joy. But that's no less real. It's still the Joy of the Lord. And it can be our strength.

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