Happy Birthday to me!

(Caution: This is a really long post. But it is all about today so I didn't want to break it up. Feel free to skim if you wish, my feelings won't be hurt. Although I do still think it's a good post so don't feel like you have to skim it)

Today is a big day in my life. I'm 25 today. It know that it's not really that old, but it kinda seems like it is. That's a quarter of a century! I'm now in my late 20s. I've always thought about this as a big year and not always in a good way. So I might be more upset about it except that my 24th year was pretty bad. Imaging myself last year today, I had no idea that I was about to go through some of the worst experiences of my life. But I did. And while I am most certainly ready to move on, I don't want to only think negatively about them. For one thing, I love where I stand with what matters most to me and I am where I am because of those "negatives".

I now know, without a doubt, that no matter what happens to me, my God will not forsake me and will bring me through it; that my faith can with stand some pretty hard battering. I could have said that last year, but I don't think my heart would have completely known it like it does now.

I know that my marriage is strong and can withstand emotional experiences, physical separation and a few months of "survival mode." I would still never recommend that anyone improve their marriage by having their spouse live in another state for 3 months, but the things that last year I would have thought would weaken our marriage or be obstacles to overcome really brought us together. I love Craig more today that I ever have before - and that is saying a lot!

And this year also brought some of the best experiences of my life. But luckily, most of those aren't over so I get to look forward to more good stuff this next year, like meeting Nigel and learning to be a mom. Which is one of the reasons I'm looking forward to it so much.

And being 25 isn't the only change of today. It was also Craig's first day of work which means our little moving break is over and today I start being a SAHW. That really seems like a much bigger deal that my birthday actually because birthdays come no matter what, you can't stop them or hurry them up. But my being at home is something we have been working towards for a while now and I'm so proud that we have gotten here.

It seems odd to say that I'm proud of it but I am! I think women might be hesitant to put it that way because of the whole SAHM vs Working Mom stuff but I'm proud of staying home in the same way that I was proud of my outside the house job. I worked 3.5 years to get my degree and get a job in a lab. The first time I wrote down "Research Assistant" I knew what it took to get there, the time and energy and money that went into it, and I was proud of myself for accomplishing it all. The same is true with my new job. I know what Craig and I have both done to make this happen, the sacrifices and planning, the decisions, both large and small, that we had to think long term on even when it wasn't fun. Most SAHW/M "jobs" don't just happen any more than most people's careers do.

I'm also grateful because I know we aren't here on our own either. I'm grateful for my parents who gave me a childhood I want to emulate and showing me first hand how valuable a women at home can be. I'm grateful to God for providing us with the wisdom of our parents, mentors and other resources that helped us make wise decisions in the beginning of our adulthood and marriage so that we are able to do this now.

For example, we have always lived off of one income, even when we both worked full time. We house-sat even though it meant moving after three months in one place because it enabled us to save on rent. We haven't always made the best decisions ($5000 of student debt in my last semester of college, that one still hurts me to think about) but from the beginning of our marriage we have had people around us encouraging us when it would have been easy to fall into world ways of thinking about money and priorities. It really helps to have friends who also think a fun night involves homemade brownies and board games instead of going out for a dinner and a movie. Or thinking beyond finances just to attitudes of being a home. When we told people we were moving for Craig's job, most naturally asked what my plans were. I got a few funny looks when I said I was staying home but those were mostly from co-workers or general acquaintances. My family, close friends and church family were excited for us! They looked on it as a good thing and it is always much more fun to rejoice with those that are willing to rejoice with us!

In an odd way, I've been thinking of this as the goal for so long that it seems weird to actually be here. It's not an end, but a beginning and it's exciting to start thinking about it that way now. We'll keep moving forwarde on making new goals, financial and otherwise, for our family but this is a part of them now. And this afternoon, I'll march my barefoot pregnant self into the kitchen and make my birthday dinner of meatloaf and mashed potatoes and wait for Craig to come home and tell me all about his first day. It's not a fancy life but it's my life and I wouldn't want it any way.