Ramblings of a hormonal woman.

The last week and a half have been a bit weird. After all the traveling then preparing to move then actually moving, I was very ready to settled down into a routine when Craig went back to work. I even starting organizing my home journal and included a schedule. Craig and I got to laughing when I read it aloud because it sorta resembled a kindergarten schedule with it's inclusion of things like snack and nap but really, if I want to get 100g of protein in, I need to schedule snacks. But it also included a cleaning schedule and my Bradley exercise reminders and an intense new Bible reading plan so it really would have me being productive. I had it all ready to go, when he started his job I was ready to going on top of things - but God had other plans.

Craig's schedule has been kinda crazy due to weather issues, he's been working weekends and afternoon/night shifts that keep getting moved around. It should be over soon but for now it's definitely keeping us on our toes.

I knew it wasn't always going to be an easy transition from working to staying at home, especially since I am used to lots of verbal (and financial) encouragement and praise but sometimes I feel really guilty when Craig finally comes home, after midnight, and ask me what I've been up to and all I can think of it "well, uhm, I vacuumed." I know I did other stuff, I just can't remember it at 1am and then I feel bad. I know right now that my flexibility is needed right now, especially because Craig isn't able to be, but somehow it seems wrong. I guess when I thought about staying home and being a helper to Craig, I thought I would be helping him my way. If the only free time he has is 9-11am and he wants me to lay around in my pajamas with him and catch up on Psych, then that is what I should do, even if it makes me feel lazy and my schedule says I should be cleaning or organizing something. But somehow telling my husband that he needs to leave me alone so I can be a useful and helpful wife doesn't seem to make a whole lot of sense. I guess I just feel pressured to be proving I'm really working although I'm not sure who I trying to prove this too.

I should have learned by now not to push myself to much. That first Monday I was uber-productive. And then Tuesday was spent dealing with a reoccurance of morning sickness. The worst thing (besides the fact that vomiting has been a routine part of my life for over 5 months now! Not that I'm bitter about that or anything :-) is that my bad morning sickness days are also my about-to-start-sobbing-at-any-moment-with-no-reasonable-explanation-days. A fact I find unfortunate but not very coincidental.

I'm at this point in the post and can't seem to remember exactly what my point was. I don't have a nice wrap up that states the great take home lesson, other than it's been a bad morning sickness day and Craig won't be home till really late and I wouldn't want to vent to him anyway since then I would feel guilty for whining. But now I have the whining out of my system and I feel better so I think I'll go vacuum.