Actually Craig sent me the article with the note "You wish this was you." While I'm pretty sure that I don't 17 kids, I don't think there is anything wrong with that either.
There is definitely a trend towards smaller families and I don't have a problem with people having less kids. It's a personal choice but I am just tired of people talking about how it is so good to have less kids. Does that mean having more kids is evil?
When I was younger, I remember our local librarian telling me that it was harmful to humanity for a couple to have more than 2 children...and this person knew that I had 2 brothers! (She was also the same women who often times tried to give me pamphlets about drug use and telling your parents you are homosexual. I think she thought I was too sheltered. I just responded by asking Casey to swing by the library more often when I was volunteering so she could see me interacting with boys.)
The main reasons I hear in support of the small family trend fall into two categories, benefits to society and benefits for the family/children. As far as societal problems with large families go, these s.f.l (small family lovers) talk about how the world is already overpopulated and children are starving and the earth doesn't hold enough resources to handle more children. (Ironically, these are the same people who talk about how there is enough food in the world, but we aren't distributing it fairly so people are starving, which is it?) But you can't look at the population of the world as a whole. While some countries are dealing with population booms, others (about 20 right how, including the US) have negative population growths and will soon have to deal with the consequences of that. So why should I, an American, stop having kids just because someone in Africa is having a bunch? And as far as the burden to natural resources go, I could talk about how America depends on labor for a larger percentage of it's GDP than natural resources and who is going to pay to support all these population-moralists when they get old ( the Duggers kids, that's who) but I won't because in the end, my personal opinion is based more on my view of the world that those other reasons, although they are nice to know for support. If you aren't a Christian then my explanation won't really work for you, but as a Christian I believe that God gave us dominion over the world. Yes, we need to be good stewards of what God gave us, but it is a resource that we are supposed to be using and I am not going to feel guilty about using it. I also think that the world is going to end the way God says it is, not from overheating or because we all drown when the ice caps melt or we starve because it is too hot to grow enough food for all the people the large family lovers have created. So I'm not too worried about those things.
People also talk about the benefits for the family and the children when families are smaller. The specifics vary but they are typically concerned with finances and attention. When it comes to money, yes, it is true, if you have more kids, you will almost always have less money. Kids cost a lot. I'm not going to deny that, but I don't think having more money makes you morally superior or gives your children a better chance for a good life. The Duggars probably aren't taking all their kids out to fancy restaurants so if you think that is an important in the upbringing of a child, then you should stop before 17. And I am not saying you should have more kids that you can really support, but people in this country have convinced themselves that they need a certain amount of money to live, and it just isn't true. You don't need to have a tv in every room, you kid doesn't need those 12 pairs of expensive sneakers, and maybe each kid doesn't need their own room. [In saying that, I realize that may be crossing the line, seeing as I always had my own bedroom :-)]
The other reason people talk about the virtues of having smaller families is that each child can get more attention from the parents, which contributes to a healthy self-esteem. In theory, that makes sense, kids take up a lot of time so the less kids you have, the less time they each take up and the more time you have for each child. But in the families that I know, that doesn't really seem to be the case. I have been friends with families with 1 kid, 2 kids, 6 kids and even 12 kids. And the large families are typically closer than the small families. In the small families, the kids spend more time in the car, going from activity to activity, but they don't seem to spend any more time with the parents than in the large families. And in the larger families, you also have brothers and sisters to depend on. I think the amount of time you spend with your kids is based on the other decisions you and your spouse make (like who works, how many activities will you be involved in, are you going to eat dinner as a family, etc) than how many kid you have.
Now, I realize I just wrote a lot about a subject that in many ways, I am not qualified to talk about. I don't have kids, that is true. But I do have a lot of experiences with families of many sizes and I do have experiences with people who think that they have the right to claim moral superiority because they don't have kids or have only a few kids but I don't really know of many people who go around thinking they are better than others because they have more kids. Do small families have benefits? Yes. Do large families have benefits? Yes. Should one side claim to be better? No.
We've had different experiences with exposure to large families. I am one of 6, but it was ok because it was more like 2 sets of 3 (My eldest brother is 50 and the other two are in the mid to late 40's with the rest of us barely in the 30's).
ReplyDeleteI have 5 friends with siblings over the 9 mark and it has not been good with any of them. They did not have enough attention, time, and in some of their cases, food and clothing. They love their families but also have prolonged resentment and issues because they got so lost in the sheer number of kids.
They were more raised by the siblings then their parents and in those situations I think that is wrong, but I highly doubt I'd be pushy or vocal to others about their conception desires.
But, obviously everyone isn't like my friends.It's just what I have been exposed to.
The Boundless blog just posted about the Duggar family too. Check it out.
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